We all have sexual fantasies. But are there some that you want to keep in the realm of fantasies? And others you would like to act on?
I have always believed that most of us have a pretty broad range sexual fantasies. These are the various scenarios we allow to play out in our minds while we masturbate. Or the scenes in porn that intrigue us in surprising ways.
But for many of these fantasies, perhaps even the majority, we would to act on them.
Is this true? I discussed this with friend and his wife the other night. He certainly felt this to be true. He was shy about getting into the details, but he said that he had many masturbatory fantasies that he had no interest in realizing. I feel the same way, but it made me wonder why. If I am intrigued by something erotically, why would I not want to act on it. I can think of a few likely reasons:
– sexy to fantasize about, its just not fun in real life – for many, BDSM falls clearly into this category. BDSM is extremely popular fantasy, including the punishment and pain elements of BDSM. But for many people I know who are into this fantasy, the idea of inflicting or receiving pain in real life has no appeal – erotic or otherwise.
– sexy to fantasize about, too risky in real life – think sex with a stranger. The idea (especially for women I believe) is really intriguing, but in real life they would consider it just too risky. Fair point.
– sexy to fantasize about, but just really unappealing in practice – I had a girlfriend once who was intrigued by water sports (pee play). She said she fantasized about it often and masturbated to the fantasy. Like a good boyfriend, I agreed to engage in a little light water sports play. Lets just say the reality did not live up to the fantasy. In real life, she just thought it was gross being peed on. Afterwards, she said she still liked the fantasy, it just didn’t work for her in real life.
In my mind, these are all very legitimate reasons not to act on your fantasies. The one obvious one I did not mention on the list was what I would bet is the most common reason people do not want to act on their fantasies – they fear their partner’s reaction to the fantasy. I think this is a shame. The couple I mentioned in the introduction, where he said he had many fantasies he would not want to act on… I am positive that his reasons for not wanting to act on them is a fear that his wife would not approve… he is not even willing to disclose the fantasies.
IMHO, the ability and willingness to disclose your fantasies to your partner and have an open and honest conversation about whether you would want to act on some (or all) of them is a key factor in a happy and evolving sexual relationship. It can be tough, but its worth it!