I’ve started the book Untrue, by Dr Wednesday Martin. It explores the science behind women’s sexuality and infidelity. Ultimately, are women wired for non monogamy and promiscuity?
I’ve always been fascinated by human sexuality. As a species, we’re consumed by sex. It’s in our advertising, our entertainment, all around us. In fact, science shows that we think about sex about 20 times a day More than we think about eating and sleeping.
Yet we rarely acknowledge our, very natural, desires around sex. Dr Martin explores the innate desire women have for variety in sexual partners, variety of experience, infidelity and non monogamy. One of her big ‘take-homes’ is that this is perfectly rational, based on eons of evolution.
So the question becomes, where does monogamy fit? Monogamy works for a lot of people. But the idea that it’s the default for all relationships seems both wrong and hopelessly naive. 50% of relationships experience non-consensual infidelity. The angst caused by this infidelity does untold harm to families, self esteem, social structures. And the limited data seems to show that consensually non monogamous couples are happier and more stable than their monogamous peers. So, clearly, we need to be taking another look at different relationship models that work for different people.
As I said, I’ve just started the book. More to come soon.