Ethical non-monogamy has been all the rage lately – couples finding ways to consensually introduce a little spice and variety into there sex lives.
I know many couples, us included, who have gone down that path to varying degrees. For some it is an occasional threesome; for others it is swinging at lifestyle parties every weekend.
Whatever form your ethical non-monogamy takes, I think it is interesting to consider under what circumstances it may be wise to have that discussion with your partner where you decide to open things up a bit.
At a broad level, I think there are two circumstances were ethical non-monogamy is a good move. Spoiler alter – one of these seems pretty obvious; the other may be a little controversial.
Circumstance #1: You’re in a great relationship; you have great communication; you have a great sex life… but both you and your partner can honestly acknowledge that you thirst sexual variety. For me, this is an ideal situation for ethical non-monogamy – you agree to certain types of outside the relationship sexual adventure that won’t undermine the emotional dimension of your relationship and may add some sexual spice. My wife and I have gotten into non-monogamy this way.
Circumstance #2: You’re in a relationship that is OK but it is really important that it continue. I’m thinking of a couple that is great with their kids, run their household well, but the sexual spark has dimmed… and it will not be easy to re-ignite that sexual spark. In this instance, is it ether (i) ok for one or both partners to have a little sexual fun on the side; or (ii) wise for them to try to open up their relationship together to reignite the spark. This is a tough one. One the one had, I’m a big believer that if one partner is not willing to give the other partner sex, that other partner should be free to pursue it elsewhere – sex cannot be both so unimportant as to deny it, yet so important as to not allow them to get it elsewhere. On the other hand, sex is tricky and introducing sexual freedom can be pretty fought.
All-in-all, I’m a pretty big fan of ethical non-monogamy. I hope society catches up.