A close female friend of mine recently announced to be that she wants a ‘patron’. She was referring to victorian times, when most of the major artists and entertainers had someone who provided for them financially, so that they could be free to work on their craft… be it painting, music, writing.
My friend is a very talented person. But her talent lies in many areas that are difficult to make a living at… especially in a mid sized Canadian city. She’s a comedian, an artists and an all around fun person to be around.
So, she wants a patron. Someone who will give her a modest – or even a generous – stipend that allows her the financial freedom to do her thing. As opposed to her current situation – where she’s working as a waitress at a steakhouse and doing part time government contracts to pay off the massive debt she’s accrued in the last few years where she was trying to make it as a comedian.
She was joking, but I tried to convince her that there are probably some wealthy people who have seen her perform who would consider giving her a little financial help to assist her in pursuing her dream. She agreed, but added quickly “they would want sex”. I should add that my friend is very attractive.
This is probably true. They might want sex to be a part of the ‘patron’ deal. She said “I’ve been broke before, but I’ve always drawn the line at prostitution”. But it got us taking about whether an arrangement like that would really be a problem.
Someone – a man most likely – would be providing her with financial assistance that allows her to pursue the arts and most likely be his sexual and social companion. How is this different from many relationships?
Let’s break down the components. Whoever would enter into this relationship with her will most likely appreciate what she does – he will, as a precondition for her, have an appreciation of both her talent and her company. She could easily set the bar high enough to only screen in people who show a genuine interest in her talent and her company. And then, in addition, they will enjoy the time they send sexually. Lets me frank – this is more compatibility and sharing of interests than some/many marriages I know.
It sounds outrageous, but I think that’s only because we tend to draw pretty sharp – yet incorrect – distinctions between what one can and cannot do for sex. Paying for sex.. wrong. Having sex begrudgingly as part of a relationship that kind of makes you miserable but you’re staying in because you can’t afford to leave or you can’t be bothered to leave… ok??
Sex is one of the many, many things that each of us bring to a relationship. And there is nothing wrong with getting some personal benefit from that element of what you bring to the game. I hope she finds her patron.