You’re alone, indulging in a little ‘self-love’. As you’re being swept up in the waves of sexual bliss… literally teetering on the edge of orgasmic inevitability – what’s going thought your head? Is it: (a) that wild threesome scene you’ve been fantasizing about? (b) that new blow job move your partner has been test piloting? (c) the sexy new neighbour that just moved in, and leaves her bedroom curtains open just a teeny bit? Or is it (d) fuck… I would love a pizza right now.
If your answer is D, do I ever have the invention for you. Sex website CamSoda and Domino Pizza have teamed up to create the RubGrub. — a vibrator – a steal at 20$ (not sure if they have 2-for-1 walk in specials) – that, with the push of a single button, will automatically order a large pizza from Dominos. The idea, as I understand it, is a rabbit styled vibrator, with a blue tooth button that, when pressed, orders a pizza to be delivered to your front door within 30 minutes. Wham Bam, Feed You Ma’am.
So.. clearly I’m not the intended market for this marvel of science. There are many things I want after an orgasm — another orgasm :); a little cuddling and chatting; a glass of wine or a G&T; occasionally a short TV show. If I’m hungry, maybe a charcuterie board. But never a big greasy cheap pizza.
That said, it in no way diminishes the absolute brilliance of the people who came up with the idea. Or the brass balls it took to walk into Dominos Headquarters in Ann Arbor Michigan, and pitch the idea to CEO J. Patrick Doyle – a small town man whose stated mission for Domino’s is to use home delivered pizza to ensure “the family dynamic is different and better … it brings them back to the table.” Must have been one hell of a pitch session from the gentlemen at CamSoda.
I’ll leave you with a final thought. A couple weeks ago my wife and I were having drinks with friends. Our cocktails came delivered in antique lanterns, with a small wood fire inside to give the cocktails a subtle wood smoke infusion. My friend commented that this must be what it was like in the final orgy-astic days of the Roman Empire… when we get so opulent and indulgent that we’re getting our cocktails in antique lamps with fresh wood smoke. I bet the Roman Empire would have fallen a hell of a lot faster if they’d had one-button access to orgasms and pizza!