I was looking through an online dating/hookup site this weekend and a something jumped out at me – how often people specifically mention an interest in rough sex. Or similarly, how frequently they specifically mention that they to do not like it.
Rough sex was the sexual activity most frequently mentioned – both the liking of, our the disdain for. I suppose, in a way, this makes sense. Its something you want to be clear about. Miscommunication on this comes with pretty high stakes.
But I also think rough sex, more than most kinks, is a kink that divides. Many who are not into it see it, I believe, as very transgressive and maybe even degrading. And they may – and I’m only guessing here – not even want to be with rough sex enthusiasts, even if they don’t pull out those tricks when they are together.
I’ve evolved on my views toward rough sex. I was definitely a person who never saw the appeal. And, if I’m being honest, I probably was leery of those who were into rough play. It seemed to me to be angry and an unhealthy way of releasing one’s aggression.
But my views have changed. As I’ve gotten to know some people who like it a little rougher – from ass slapping all the way to electro stim play or biting – I think I understand more what’s behind it. Its a way to feel something very strongly. Its those moments where sensations that are painful on the surface become pleasurable for their intensity. And its that highly trusting position you are putting your partner in, during these rough sexual encounters. I can now see the positives and the appeal in these feelings and have come to understand the pleasure of rougher sex – both as the giver and receiver.
I don’t think BDSM would ever become my primary sexual kink, but I’ve certainly learned to appreciate it and dabble around its edges quite happily.