Bi-curious vs Bisexual – What’s the difference?

A Guest Blog by my Wife:

A girl friend of mine recently got into the lifestyle (that is, she and her husband started swinging). She is very bisexual, and had previously dated both women and men. She came over for a drink the other night, and wanted to share a discovery she’d made through the last couple of months on Adult Friend Finder (AFF) … in a loud stage whisper, she leaned toward me and said “Bi-curious and bisexual … not the same thing. Who knew?”

We had a good laugh over that, and it got me thinking about the difference between bi-curiosity and bisexuality. I’d say bi-curious women can be divided into 3 camps:

Camp 1 – This Feels Naughty and The Guys Like It

The title kind of says it all. These women are open to light experimentation because it feels like they’re doing something taboo, and they love the reaction they get from their men. They’re into kissing and fondling, but have NO interest in going further and never will. I’ve heard this called “Bi for Guy” because it’s all about the reaction. This is not the group my friend is looking for.

Camp 2 – Exploring Uncharted Territory 

This group of women have figured out somehow (let’s be honest … likely through porn) that they’re turned on by women, and want to explore this. As they start to play with other women, they’ll end up figuring out how much they like the experience compared with how much they thought they’d like it. Each person will end up somewhere on a spectrum ranging from “this is okay, but I really don’t want to touch someone else’s pussy, and maybe I’ll stick to fantasizing” to “OMG, women’s bodies are so sexy and this opens up a huge world of possibility and I want to try everything”. Admittedly, this isn’t a very refined spectrum, but you get the idea. This camp really doesn’t know what they’ll find on their journey, but call themselves bi-curious as the entry ticket that allows them explore, experiment, and figure this out. Some of these women would get along very well with my friend; others, not so much.

Camp 3 – Fighting the Label

The third camp are women who are at the far right of the spectrum I talked about in camp 2 (the OMG end), but who still shy away from calling themselves bisexual. They’re not comfortable with this label, and who can blame them … bisexuality still isn’t widely understood, talked about and accepted by society. So accepting this label proclaims that you’re not part of the mainstream, and this can feel uncomfortable for many people. But they love bisexual play in practice. Many women in this camp may one day graduate to calling themselves bisexual, but for now they play it safe and stick with bi-curious, a term that leaves you undeclared. This sub-set of the bi-curious may be tough to find, but are worth looking for!

The good news in all of this is that many women are starting to explore their sexuality, and are recognizing that sexuality is a continuous scale (not just straight or gay). Young people are way ahead in this: a recent YouGov survey (https://today.yougov.com/news/2015/08/20/third-young-americans-exclusively-heterosexual) asking people to place their sexuality on a scale of 0 to 6, where 0 is completely heterosexual and 6 is completely homosexual, found that 29% of millennials placed themselves somewhere other than 0 or 6 on the scale (i.e. indicated they have some degree of bisexuality), compared with only 8% of baby boomers. So while down the road we’ll likely hear the term bi-curious a lot less, for now it’s important to recognize it can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people, and that’s okay.

So if my friend is looking for a true bisexual experience, she may need to ask a few more questions to figure out what camp the other person is in.