My wife has a fantasy. It’s a pretty common one. She’s on an overnight flight, in business class. She makes eye contact with another passenger early on during the flight – a man or a woman – and after exchanging glances for the early part of the trip, one wordlessly follows the other to the bathroom, where they engage in mile-high anonymous sex.
She has absolutely no desire to ever act on this fantasy, but it is a recurring one. One she plays out as she masturbates and one she engages in, frequently, as she flies. I know my wife well and we have a very open communication line in our marriage. I believe her 100% that she does not want to act on this fantasy.
It makes me wonder, how common is it to have fantasies that you have no desire to act out.
For me, I will admit, that most of the fantasies that play out in the mind as a masturbate… I would probably like to do them. There are many I would not act on, because they are outside the rules of our relationship, they are risky or they might have longer term negative consequences. So I wouldn’t. But, from a purely sexual and pleasure perspective, I would like to.
For some reason, if it is a sex act or sexual circumstance that would not arouse me in real life, it doesn’t exist for me as a fantasy. Hardcore BDSM, anal sex… not my thing in real life and, therefore, not my fantasy.
But my wife is different. She has many fantasies that are, in all honesty, much more hardcore than mine, but which she has absolutely no interest in exploring, They don’t even turn her on in real life. BDSM is a good example, She said she loves to fantasize about it, but the idea of doing it, even in a very safe and controlled way, is of no interest and is not arousing to her. She does not even like BDSM porn, not because its offensive to her but simply because it doesn’t turn her on.
For her, the fantasy is very disconnected from reality. When she fantasizes about it, it is a complete abstraction. And in that abstraction, there are sexy acts in her mind that she neither would not nor want to do in real life. And this doesn’t matter, because the fantasy world is completely removed from reality.
I have no idea what this says or means about either of us. But its an interesting difference in perspective.