“It was the best of times… NO… It was the worst of times”.
Keeping your relationship sexy and strong can be challenging during the best of times. Kids, work, day-to-day life – things get busy and relationships suffer. But what about during particularly tough periods? How do you keep things on the rails?
We’ve have had a tough fall. Not to get into the details, but I have a sports injury that has had a complicated recovery, meaning almost 6 weeks of me bing in a lot of pain and not super useful around the house (or the bedroom). Our oldest daughter recently broke her arm. While she is being much tougher with her injury than I am with mine, it still means she need s a lot of extra care.
All this to say… not a great fall. I’m near useless around the house and my wife is doing triple duty, between work, parenting, and house-stuff.
So, how do you make sure your relationship does not become yet another casualty of these difficult times?
We have learned a few things:
1. Remember, it’s a time-limited ordeal. Even though we’re not having tons of fun now, we are always reminding ourselves that things will get better. We just booked a fun, diving getaway for February, knowing that we’l all be healthy by then.
2. Give yourself a break. My wife makes sure that she still squeezes in some fun that is important to her. It might be a workout in the morning, a drink out with a friend one evening, or a quick date with her vibrator on a weekend afternoon. While the rest of us may be in pretty bad shape, we can make do for a couple hours without her.
For me, I can;t do much but I can do something – I’m not rock climbing or doing P90X but I can walk on the treadmill or bike lightly on a stationary bike. I think one of the tricks in dealing (physically and psychologically) with injury and sickness is to keep it in perspective.
3. Don’t let things spiral downward. While I may be feeling a little lousy, there is no need for me to wallow in it. After the kids go to bed, we have made a real effort to still connect. We try to send at lead 20 or 30 minutes chatting about things that are uplifting and fun. To be honest, sometimes I would probably prefer to just turn on the TV, but there is no excuse for me nit putting some effort into being good company – I’m injured not comatose.
4. Sex suffers but needn’t die. We’re not waking the neighbours with 5 alarm orgies these days, but we’re also not putting our sex lives completely on the shelves. Mutual masturbation, porn watching, or sharing fantasies are still good options to remind ourselves of the better things in life.
We’ll be back on our feet in no time… I’m pretty sure of it. But in the meantime, I am trying to let this keep us completely knocked out