This is a tough combination. When you, or a loved one, is going through a period of mourning, what role does sex play? What role should it play?
During grieving times, it’s hard to know how sex should be treated. Is it a needed intimate bond with a partner? Is it a brief and muted moment away from your sadness? Is it a wild and crazy cathartic distraction? Or is it simply off the table?
Each of these perspectives is 100% understandable. In the past, when I have been grieving, my tendency has been to have sex somewhat infrequently and in a pretty understated and muted way. It just wasn’t where my mind was and didn’t seem an appropriate thing. So, for that period of time – usually a couple weeks – sex juts took a back seat.
But, then every once in a while during these periods, I would life to blow the roof off it. An occasionally crazy, kinky sexual best, to simply forget the sadness and lean in that sense of sexual abandon.
The interesting question, for me, is what is behind this. Most obviously, when we are grieving, we simply do not feel like to doing anything that is fun. This is totally appropriate and makes perfect sense.
That said, during periods of grief, we are always encouraged to see distraction. Go to a movie. See friends. Our good friends will always encourage us to occasionally peek out from the grief and enjoy moments away from it. Its how we recover and heal. We let ourselves experience moments of normalcy so that we can eventually move back to normal.
But for some reason, no one ever suggests sex as a means of dealing with grief. I wonder why that is? Despite progress being made, sex is still seen as ‘bad’ or taboo. To be sexual during grieving periods seems, somehow, disrespectful of the sadness we are experiencing.
While I appreciate this – and somewhat feel it myself – it doesn’t fully make sense to me. Why cant sex, and the connection with someone that accompanies it, be that constructive and positive way to process your grief? And to move past it. Time to rethink that one.