Of the approximately 14,093,202 lists of “top 10 things you can do to spice up your sex life”, “Trying New Sex Positions”, seems to show up on all of them as a means of adding variety and excitement if you are finding yourself in a rut. I read one recently in a magazine my wife got in her stocking and it prompted me to write this.
I will disagree with the idea that new sex positions are a good way to get you out of a rut. Kind of. I love trying new sex positions, but I find I like them best when we are in a playful and adventurous phase in our relationship. When you are in a positive place, I find it easier to find the physical enjoyment that new positions can offer.
If you are in a rut or feeling bored, new sex positions can be awkward. The deliberate effort of trying something new seems contrived and reminds you of the rut you are in. It makes it difficult to enjoy the new experience and the new sensation that it evokes. Beyond the very basic positions, most new sex positions take some effort and experimentation before they become really fun. Figuring out how the new position works well for you requires that you be patient, open to pleasure and pretty relaxed. All of these are tough if you are in a significant rut.
Years ago, when my wife and I were pretty new to having sex together, we wanted to expand our repertoire a bit. We were sexually open, not super creative but in a fun experimental phase in our relationship. We thought reverse cowgirl looked fun in porn so we decided to give it a try. First time, it felt pretty good but did not blow either of us away. It took two or three tries before we figured out how it really worked for us; during these two or three attempts we played around with her fingering herself, me fingering her, grinding vs bouncing – lots of variations. If we were in a bad place in our relationship, we would have been self conscious and given up. But we weren’t and RCG is now one of our staples (I hope we’re not in a rut).
So, my point…. don’t waste a potentially fantastic new sex position on a bad relationship space. Save them until you can fully appreciate them.