What sexual fantasies really turn our crank? Sex educator tracy Cox has published her top 20 sexual fantasies for men and for women. They are good lists, so I thought I would dissect these fantasies – one at a time.
Through this series of blogs, I will get into why I think these are common fantasies, how common they actually seem to be, their realizability, and any other disconnected thoughts I may have at the moment on them. If I’m feeling bold, I may also share some of my experiences with them.
Fantasy #1 (for both men and women) – Fantasies about current or anticipatory sex with your current partner
I think Tracy included this as fantasy #1 because it is such a non-controversial, non-confrontational fantasy to discuss with your partner – “My #1 fantasy is you”!
But there is a great deal of truth to it. For many of us who are in long term relationships (especially very long term relationships), the vast majority of our sexual experience has been, and will be, with our current partner. The ability (and desire) to relive past sexual adventures and anticipate new ones is a tremendous asset to your relationship. It makes us think fondly of the past and look forward to the future. More importantly, it increases the likelihood you’ll keep your sex live hot and continue to see these knew sexual adventures with you partner, rather than at the exclusion of your partner.
One could argue, I suppose, that your current partner is the stuff reality, not fantasy. I get this. Fantasies are for extra spice and variety. Isn’t stuff you’ve done, or will do, with your current partner a little too real for your fantasy life. And I certainly believe that one person (our partner) cannot be the ‘be all and end all’ of our erotic desires. So,like I said, I get it… but I would like to think being able to incorporate the past and future of your current relationship in your sexual fantasy repertoire is a good thing.
My own experience…. Yes, past and future experiences with my wife definitely play a prominent role in my fantasy life. That said, there are certain things we’ve done sexually that play a more prominent role. I am far more likely to fantasies about the wilder things we’ve done on the past. I fantasized recently about a time early in our relationship where I was giving her oral sex one morning before we went to help a friend move. As she was approaching orgasm, I stopped and said she would have to wait to finish until after we had helped our friend. Our sexual relationship was very new then and we both remember (very fondly) the sexual anticipation that built over the course of that day… waiting to be alone again.
I must admit that when I fantasize about past and future sexual experiences with my wife, these fantasies certainly veer toward some of the more kinky or non-traditional things we’ve done. I rarely fantasize about romantic, passionate sex. I have loved this sex, but it rarely re-features in my erotic imagination.
For you all… does your partner feature (our would they feature if you had a long term partner) in your fantasies or is your fantasy life for you alone – and the assorted set of cast and characters you invent in?