Friends were talking the other night about, if they could do it all over again, at what age would you lose your virginity. The views were very mixed.
A few of us (me included) felt we waited to long. As a teenager I felt that losing my virginity, or being with someone losing theirs, was a big deal. Perhaps too big a deal. I remember an incident, when I was 17 and dating a perfectly fine girl. She wanted to have sex. I told her I was unsure whether I loved her and did not feel sufficiently ‘committed’. I would not have sex with her. She said “Juts because we have sex does not mean we will be together. I just want to have sex”. I continued to say no and I now regret that. It would have been fun it may have brought us closer together and, assuming we were safe, there was no real downside.
Others in the room said they wished they had waited. These were the people who has sex for, what they felt, were the wrong reasons — they thought it would make someone love them more or they thought it was expected.
So, and this is certainly no brilliant insight, there seems to be no right age or even maturity level, that makes it the right time to lose your virginity. In my mind there are, however, some general guidelines: are you old enough to take responsibility for safe sex practices; are confident and mature enough to handle the eventual end of that relationship; are you comfortable with you peers knowing you are sexual; do you really want to. If you are within these parameters, seems to me you’re ready to go.
Me… I waited to long and missed some good times. Nothing tragic, but opportunities lost. It saddens me a bit when I look back at any moments in my life I did not fully seize, including these ones.