I have a female friend who is accomplished in so many ways. She is a partner in her consulting firm, she runs half marathons and plays competitive tennis, and she is a great daughter to her aging father. Yet, at 40 years old, she has no love interest and has not had sex in years – many years.
When we hang out, it is clear that both love and sex are things that she wishes were in her life. She says that the one way that her life has very significantly not lived up to her expectations. She says she always so herself married and with a happy family (as she had growing up). It is obvious that she is sincerely saddened by the likelihood that this will likely not be her future.
So, what’s the problem? In every other aspect of her life – work, athletics, friends, family – she puts in a 110% effort. When she decides she wants something she puts in effort, doesn’t get discouraged by setbacks and she meets her goals.
But not with love and sex. She tried online dating once, but after two so/so dates she gave up on it. She has had a few friends set her up on dates – I set her up on one a few years ago – but when they didn’t click perfectly on their first get together she cut out blind dates.
I cannot understand how little effort she is willing to put into this thing that is clearly a priority to her.
I saw her last night and she asked for help. I have no idea what to tell her.
So… two questions:
– Why is she not putting effort into meeting someone?
– If she is willing to work at it, what should she do?