When you allow your erotic imagination to run wild, its interesting to see where it goes. For many – most? – its likely seeks variety. Fantasies about other people you would like to be with and/or sexual acts that are not part of your regular repertoire.
I think it is a really useful exercise to just allow your erotic imagination to run free once in a while. See what it is you really crave and then decide if you can get those things. Not that you have to – or would even want to – act on all of these meandering fantasies, but it is worth thinking through.
A few interesting things you will likely discover
- You’ve fallen into some sexual ruts that are easy to get out of. As you let your mind go, there are likely some sexual things you fantasize about that are very very doable with your current partner, but just require a bit of work. Light BDSM and power exchange is a perfect example. I have met very few people who are not aroused by non-degrading power exchange, some light bondage and a little bit of master/sub role playing. Its super hot, takes us out of our day-to-day power dynamic and allows us to abandon ourselves to our base desires a bit. But it takes work. You need to get a bit if gear, plan a special night to do it, allow yourself to be a bit of a different person with your partner… these can all be challenging. But put in the effort… so worth it.
- There are some things that you crave sexually that are just incompatible with your partner’s sexual desire. Sexual acts like anal or more hard-core BDSM often fall into this category. One partner might realize they have a pretty big things for it but the other finds it really off-putting. Acknowledging these incompatible fantasies can be (a) liberating and (b) an opening to either reconciling yourself to the fact that these may need to live in fantasy land OR beginning a discussion on realizing them. Personally, I think its better to be open about these desires and, even if you will never be able to realize on them, you may be able to find ways to get your itch scratched through things like dirty talk, fantasizing, porn… all non threatening ways to allow the kink to be played with without diving in. And if you want to go further in realizing these fantasies, there is always consensual non monogamy… this only works for very strong relationships (I believe) but exploring some of your kinks with someone else who shares those kinks (and maybe, also, can’t get them realized with their partner) may be a win/win.
Your mind is a big, wild, exciting place… let it run free.