I like to flirt. Especially when it is someone I have a close and playful relationship with, I like to have some sexy flirtation in the relationship. It brings us closer, spices things up and opens up new activities and conversations we wouldn’t otherwise have.
My wife knows this and likes it; she feels this makes me interesting and attractive. And as a less flirty person, she develops more intimate relationships with friends through my flirtation.
But a big reason my wife likes my flirty ways is because she knows I know where the line is. But sometimes the line is a little grey. For what its worth, here are my guiding principles:
– I never touch someone in ways that I would be embarrassed or ashamed if my wife caught me doing them. For us, I will touch and cuddle with female friends to a degree that is intimate but not overtly sexual – eg. no problem with a hand on the ass, but not down the pants (at least not for a prolonged period).
– If the friend I am flirting with goes too far and responds to what they feel is a sexual advance, I back off. One evening, a friend who had a little too much to drink was lying with her head on my lap as the rest of us chatted. When I felt her hand start to massage my penis, I knew a line was bring crossed.
– I really enjoy sexual discussion with friends but I will not indulge in fantasies with female friends that suggest us having sex or being intimate. Even if I know these fantasies will not be acted on, for me this is too far. I make an exception for friends who are strictly e-friends. I little sexual fantasizing can be fun there and my wife is done with that.
– Finally, and most importantly, I check in with my wife often to make sure she doesn’t feel I am going to far. We have one friend in particular who is very flirtation and, for whatever reason, she and my wife don’t click. With her, I back off.
So, what are your lines? When is it just flirting and when is it more?