I read an interesting stat recently that couples with children are twice as likely to commit adultery as couples without children (http://bit.ly/1rV38L0).
I found this a little surprising, naively or romantically thinking that the responsibility to the family and the bond created by kids might suppress urges to wander.
But then I looked into the reasons and it made more sense. According to those surveyed, couples with children:
– have less time together and therefore less time to connect;
– have less time for sex and
– begin to see one another as mommy and daddy rather than sexual partners.
All of this makes sense. When you have kids (we do) it certainly takes a dedicated effort to both have time for the ‘couples’ part of our relationship – both sex and intimacy. It also takes some deliberate though to make sure you are continuing to think of your partner as a source of fun and sexuality, not just a partner in responsible child rearing.
I can confidently say, we have avoided the pitfalls that could have lead us to infidelity… but it took work. Some tips that have helped us:
– we have always carved out time for just us – date nights, couples time, time with other adults (kidless)
– we continue to see each other as sexy and sexual. Part of this is staying in shape but another part of staying interesting for the other person. We will regularly listen to podcasts for the purpose of finding interesting discussion topics that allow us to chat and connect on topics beyond the day-to-day
– we acknowledge, and celebrate, lustful feeling toward others. It is absolutely inevitable you will find other people sexy. Rather than hide it, we enjoy talking about it and turning it into fantasy.
It is a very good wake up call for all of us parents, that fidelity is tenuous. We need to work for it.