In My Defence… I Was left Unsupervised

This was a funny T-Shirt I saw other night, but it made me think.. and caused me to do a survey amongst friends I’ve been out with recently to ask them “What do you do when you are home alone.. unsupervised”.  The answers were interesting and I found many of them pretty insightful of the people who have them.  Here is a smattering:

  • Put away my phone and read a good book – I like this one.. Life is busy and we often don’t allow ourselves to unplug and just lose yourself in a book.
  • Go out and do … whatever.  One guy confided that he loves to go to strip clubs when he’s alone and ‘unsupervised’. Its not something he does often or something that fits into his regular life.. but when he gets to cut loose he loves it.  Another said, similar, he likes to go to a bar and have a few drinks with strangers.
  • Commune with nature.  One friend, who I would consider someone who never likes to be alone said she can’t be alone in her house, but loves to go on long walks and think
  • Masturbate and watch porn too much — I can relate to this.  Its kind of a like a lazy, guilty indulgence you give yourself when your alone and have no responsibilities.  Two friends gave me this one.  One, a guy, I can totally see it – he’s a busy guy with lots of responsibilities; this is a way be indulges.  The other was a women and, frankly, I think she said it to impress me; I’m pretty sure she watches porn and masturbates every once in a long while but I’m pretty sure that she really juts watched TV and eats popcorn when she’s home alone… But that brings me to the next one
  • Watch TV and veg.  A few people said this, and it really disappointed me.  To think, when you have no responsibilities and time.. you do nothing.  Not to reveal my biases too much, but that sucks.
  • And my favourite, by my favourite person and the person who inspired me to blog on this topic and who I first thought of when I saw that T-Shirt ‘in my defence I was left unsupervised’… her answer… ‘I text you dirty things that I shouldn’t”.  I love her.

Underwear — Optional?

My 13 year old daughter proudly proclaimed yesterday, in front of her grandparents, “I hate underwear… I haven’t worn any all week”.

I was wise enough to keep my mouth shut, but I don’t like underwear either. I don’t really see the point. It just seems constraining. And since I wash my pants after I wear them, the hygiene argument doesn’t hold.

So, in an age of modern clothes washing appliances, has underwear become obsolete?  Yes and no.

In the yes column, as a fashion accessory, I’m still a big fan. There is nothing sexier than a nice outfit with sexy underwear underneath.  Both my wife and I (her more than I) try to make sure that our underwear are sexy and slightly provocative… as part of the overall sexy package we try to present to one another.

As well, sometimes underwear are necessary to provide some discretion. I will admit, as I write this, I am wearing underwear.  The white linen pants I am wearing right now had a discernible bulge when I put them on this morning with no underwear… no one needs to see that outline all day as I walk around downtown.

And.. sometimes… comfort requires.  I’m told that sometimes, of women in particular, you need them??

But on the no… boring, sexless, shapeless underwear… why bother?  If you’re only doing it to add another layer… no need.

 

Choosing Happiness

I’m reading a book, The Happiness Advantage, that is built not the premise that our state of mind determines our success.  Simply put, happiness makes you successful, rather than the conventional belief that success makes you happy.

Its a non fiction book, full of scientific support – both theoretical and experimentally tested – that shows that people who are happy and/or focus on happiness are far more successful and fulfilled. The idea is that if we approach things with a happy and positive attitude, success will ensue.

An amazing example I read last night.  A group of 70 year old men spent a week at a resort that was transformed to 20 years in the past. The resort had newspapers and TV programs from 20 years ago; guests were encouraged to debate political issues they were engaged in 20 years ago, and they did activities they did 20 years ago.  Essentially, they were told to live like they were 50 years old, rather than 70 years old.  The findings were amazing.  Their health improved – 10% improvement in insight, improvement in cardiovascular health, they got physically stronger.  And mentally they were sharper, scoring better on standard tests’ their posture improved.  It was startling… by acting younger they become physically younger.

It caused me to focus on the importance of the attitude we bring into life. My family, we lead a pretty messed life – good kids, good relationship, good friends, great sex and financial security.  But my wife has been going through a bit of a challenging period.  Within a couple months, there was a work setback, a relationship setback w a friend and a health issue.  These are all things we’re not uses to dealing with.  Yet, at the same time, we have a lot a super positive elements of our lives.

So last night, we both made a pledge (it was an idea in the book) to, even night, list three things from the day that were happy.  For me (we are on a southern vacation with inflows now), my three were

  • our youngest daughter was at her most mature and helpful today – cheerful, helpful around the house, super fun as we played pool volleyball and did her ‘vacation homework – yes, I’m an ogre, I assign vacation homework – with keenness;
  • our older daughter really, really didn’t want to come swimming with my other daughter and I. I had to make her come and she was unhappy about it  Yet, as soon as she got in the pool she did not sulk but played joyfully with us for about an hour
  • My wife’s parents are happy and in great spirits – not always the case so its great to see when they are.

Life and All Its Pleasures

A friend recently asked me why I thought sex was important. It shocked her when I told her it wasn’t.

“Are you kidding me?”, she said. “You’ve told me you have sex most days, you blog about it, you seek out friends that are into sex. How can you say sex is not important?”

She was correct… to an extent.  I do love sex and I love other people who love sex.  But that does not make sex objectively important.

What I think it is important is that people pursue their pleasures.. whatever those pleasures might be.  I broadly categorize people into two categories – ‘joyful’ and ‘joyless’. And I love joyful people. My wife has always been a bit flabbergasted by some of the people I like spending time with. I have a friend who is obsessed with steampunk… and at ur age that can seem a little odd.  Anther – a totally geeky guy who loves building model helicopters; he had the most elaborate, fully functioning models that he would take months building and then flying.

And other people – the joyless – people so caught up in their day-to-day busyness. This people bore me to tears.  Dinner parties where parents take turns bragging out their children’s accomplishments – kill me now.  Or – worse – where they complain and worry non-stop about how dangerous the world is becoming and how much better it was in our youth – kill me twice.

So.. yes.. I love joyful people.  I certainly have a penchant toward those who love sex… I certainly do.  But, really, any happy, energetic person will suit me fine.

When does it Become Prostitution?

A close female friend of mine recently announced to be that she wants a ‘patron’. She was referring to victorian times, when most of the major artists and entertainers had someone who provided for them financially, so that they could be free to work on their craft… be it painting, music, writing.

My friend is a very talented person. But her talent lies in many areas that are difficult to make a living at… especially in a mid sized Canadian city.  She’s a comedian, an artists and an all around fun person to be around.

So, she wants a patron.  Someone who will give her a modest – or even a generous – stipend that allows her the financial freedom to do her thing.  As opposed to her current situation – where she’s working as a waitress at a steakhouse and doing part time government contracts to pay off the massive debt she’s accrued in the last few years where she was trying to make it as a comedian.

She was joking, but I tried to convince her that there are probably some wealthy people who have seen her perform who would consider giving her a little financial help to assist her in pursuing her dream.  She agreed, but added quickly “they would want sex”.  I should add that my friend is very attractive.

This is probably true.  They might want sex to be a part of the ‘patron’ deal. She said “I’ve been broke before, but I’ve always drawn the line at prostitution”. But it got us taking about whether an arrangement like that would really be a problem.

Someone – a man most likely – would be providing her with financial assistance that allows her to pursue the arts and most likely be his sexual and social companion.  How is this different from many relationships?

Let’s break down the components.  Whoever would enter into this relationship with her will most likely appreciate what she does – he will, as a precondition for her, have an appreciation of both her talent and her company.   She could easily set the bar high enough to only screen in people who show a genuine interest in her talent and her company.  And then, in addition, they will enjoy the time they send sexually.  Lets me frank – this is more compatibility and sharing of interests than some/many marriages I know.

It sounds outrageous, but I think that’s only because we tend to draw pretty sharp – yet incorrect – distinctions between what one can and cannot do for sex.  Paying for sex.. wrong.  Having sex begrudgingly as part of a relationship that kind of makes you miserable but you’re staying in because you can’t afford to leave or you can’t be bothered to leave… ok??

Sex is one of the many, many things that each of us bring to a relationship.  And there is nothing wrong with getting some personal benefit from that element of what you bring to the game.  I hope she finds her patron.

Sexy Saturday Night Discussion

As you head into your Saturday evening dinner party, or date or party… its good to have a few discussion topics ready in case the conversations starts to drift into boring territory.  A couple suggestions that came up recently that I found fun to chat about

  • if you could indulge more in any vice without negative consequence, what would it be?
  • Do you think sexual partners who put their own pleasure first make better or worse lovers (spoiler alert… a recent study found that selfish lovers actually please their partners more than selfless lovers… apparently going after what you want makes you more fun in bed, and as a consequence more giving of pleasure.

Have a happy Saturday.

Float Therapy… or ..spending an hour in a dark tank of water ‘relaxing’.

In our eternal quest for new ways to entertain ourselves, my wife and I have ‘float therapy’ a try this weekend.

What is float therapy, you may ask.  The officials line is “Floatation therapy happens within our state of the art sensory deprivation or isolation tanks – constructed to remove external stimuli like noise, light, odor and touch. We believe that floating is a place where customers can float to let go of the daily grind, unplug from the external world, and ultimately relax.”

In plain english, you float in a small, beautiful pod of salt water (think of a large tanning bed look) with no light or noise.  The water is 40% salt so you float almost on top of the water.  And you just lay and relax, deprived of any sensation.

A close friend of ours (a pretty stressed out chick) swears by it and ‘floats’ at least once a week.  For me, I simply couldn’t get into it. I spent the full our in the flotation chamber and tried to clear my mind, as the manager told me to do.  It was pleasant and certainly relaxing, but I never came close to the nirvana state I was promised. To be honest, I was quite bored after 30 minutes.

My wife…she had her own form of success.  She said she was bored after 20 minutes so she got out, had a shower in the gorgeous room that the float chamber was in and masturbated for the rest of her one hour session.  It was just the relaxation she was looking for.