http://bisexualexploration.wordpress.com had a good post last night asking for people’s views on what is, and what is not, cheating. It got me thinking about (i) what I would consider cheating and (ii) is there an accepted definition of cheating. Here are the conclusions I reached
1. What I consider cheating has evolved significantly over time. I used to believe that some acts were, for everyone, cheating. I now realize that cheating is, and always was, sexual behaviour that was outside of the agreement I had with any particular partner.
2. Cheating is completely subjective and open to negotiation. As crazy as it sounds, if I agree with my partner that checking out another woman is not acceptable in our relationship, then I guess that violating this would be cheating. I can’t imagine both parties agreeing that this would be cheating, but who am I to judge what two consenting adults agree is OK and not OK for them. Similarly, if having sex with others is agreeable between a couple, then that would not be cheating.
3. Therefore, there is no definition of cheating, just as there is no definition of ‘fairness’ It is the product of a negotiations, and for a relationship to be healthy, a couple has to be able to have this negotiation, make reasonable compromises and accept the terms of those compromises.