My wife and I speak quite openly about the importance of sex and how, despite busy lives, we still make it a priority to fit it in often. Ideally we would have sex 3-5 times per week — I know for some people this may not seem like such, but amongst our social circle, it definitely is.
Friends, who are equally busy with the day-to-day demands, will often ask how we make the time for regular sex.
We normally give three tips:
1. Place a priority on sex. Everyone has 24 hours in their day. We all make choices in how we spend those 24 hours, and unless you are the President of the United States, you can probably carve out some free time. Make sex a priority and fit it in — everyone can find some time.
2. Agree that there can be different types of sexual episodes. Sometimes it is long and prolonged. After the kids go to bed we would have a bottle of wine, chat about sexy things (sometimes with some mutual masturbation) and then have sex. Other times it is a quickly before bed. Still other times, when we are tired or lazy, it is watching some porn together. These are all great ways to have sex and as long as you avoid ruts, taken together they are a great combination of the ideal and the practical.
3. Don’t resist scheduling sex. Many people think that to schedule time for sex is unromantic and lacking spontaneity. It is, but so what. I schedule many things I really enjoy in my life – rock climbing, dates… I am not sure why scheduling sex is bad, as long as you do not begin to treat it like a chore.
These are all very easy things to do. The only things they require are (i) admitting to yourself that it is ok for sex to be a priority and (ii) not seeing sex as so sacred that it cannot be subject to compromise and sub-optimzation.
Go forth and fornicate!