The last part of the story I have been telling the last few days…. about an evening of dinner and then drinks at our (my wife and I) place turned into long, sensual makeout session between my wife and our friend (R). As I wrote earlier this week, it was highly sensual, pretty innocent (kissing, sensual groping) between the two of them as I watched.
So, the last part… telling her husband. R’s husband has known for some time that his wife has an interest in women and he has know, and been part of, a flirtatious and sexually changed relationship between all of us. R had always assumed that this flirtation would, eventually, turn to something physical. Yet, her expectation, and ours, had been that her husband would be there and be part of it.
So now, after the fact, what is the best way to come clean?
Frankly, I am of two minds.
On the one hand, it really was very innocent and was not intended to exclude him. It was really happenstance that he was not there that evening and I think the same thing might have happened had he been there. Therefore, part of me thinks she should just be completely honest – there was a sexy vibe in the air, I have been wanting to experiment for a while, I went for it. I didn’t mean to exclude you, but I just wanted to act on the mood and, really, it was no big deal.
On the other hand, it is interesting that my wife and I have had this sexy relationship with them for this long (a couple years) and the one time it turns physical is when he is not there. This concerns me a bit and makes me worry it may not be as innocent as I think it is. Is there a reason R had never done this in his presence. I have a feeling she is more inhibited in his presence and she was able to do this because he wasn’t there. This makes things trickier.
So, who should she tell him? I’m not sure but my advice to her has been (i) don’t apologize for wanting the experience but apologize for not clearing it with him first; (ii) discuss with him how they can make this interest of hers something that they enjoy as a couple and that she is able to explore (within their bounds) without a feeling of shame.