Adding variety to your sex life can be challenging. Yet, if you are in a monogamous long term relationship, variety is absolutely essential to keeping you happy and interested as the years past. So, today, I begin a short series on a few things monogamous couples could consider – or sometimes should not consider – in keeping their relationship fresh.
Lets start with the most obvious — sex positions. If you’re in a long term relationship, you’ve likely found the sex positions that work for you. But breaking the mold occasionally – or regularly – can be a lot of fun and, occasionally, add something that you want to permanently work into your repertoire. But, before you get too excited, let me jump to chase… while finding some new sex positions can be fun, in my experience this is only a baby step – and sometimes an awkward, lurching one – to finding the sexual variety you likely want.
I’ve tried a lot of sex positions. My copy of The Kama Sutra is tattered and dog-eared and my favourite pages have margin notes suggesting added variations. But after exhaustive research – you’re welcome! – I can conclude that most semi-adventurous sexual couples have like found many/most of the positions that work best for them.
A few thoughts for you to consider:
- You need to get beyond the very basics: Some of you – and you know who you are – I’ll call the one trick ponies. You’re missionary… and maybe cowgirl if you’re feeling a little naughty. This is just wrong and lazy. Missionary is a fantastic position, but even if you’re having sex with Gisele Bundchen (or equally desirable male-equivalent.. say Ryan Gosling), you’re going to get bored and boring. In additional to missionary and cowgirl, there are at least five sex positions that should be on everyone’s basic menu:
- doggie style: it delivers intense, deep penetrating sensations; gives the guy and amazing view and its allows you to feel a little dirty and just a tiny bit animalistic.
- missionary with her legs over your shoulders: for many women, this is the key to vaginal and G-spot orgasms. This position – aside from looking really hot is you have a mirror nearby – changes the angle of entry subtly allowing for a different (and often better) point of stimulation inside the woman.
- spooning – lying side-by-side with the guy entering her from behind… its intimate, easy and makes it super easy for the guy to be fucking her and rubbing her clitoris at the same time… win/win.
- reverse cowgirl (or sudden death)… it just feels and looks soooooo good.
- Face off: I’ll explain this one. You’re sitting, face-to-face, legs around each other, fucking. Its pretty basic, extremely beautiful and unbelievably intimate. Its one of those poisons that is more intimate than stimulating… but if you are fit enough to pull it off (doesn’t work for larger folks) its a must have in the toolbox.
- Once you’re beyond the basics, positions can be more about show than pleasure – My wife and I went through a phase where we tried lots of new sex positions.. lots! It was pretty fun and we found a few keepers, but my biggest lesson learned from this was that there is a reason the classics are the classics. Virtually every internet top 10 list of sex positions will have virtually all of the same positions… the seven I have listed above and a few other standbys. Positions like piledriver and waterfall – while pretty cool to try once – are more of a novelty in my opinion. While its cool to mix things up, many of these are more work than they are pleasure… some really are not all that much pleasure at all to be honest. But they are all worth the 10 minute investment in time that it takes to try them out.. you need to try many before you find the few that work for you.
- Try anything three times – in light of the above… unless a position is really awful (we hated pile driver … it really hurt), give it a chance… three in fact. It takes time to get used to new positions so give them time.
Its a big wide sexual world out there… explore it!