So, you’re not getting any. I posted recently on a trend I’m seeing in the number of sexless marriages. In a nutshell, I feel I’m seeing more couples in sexless relationships, caused by a combination of overly busy lives, friction with their partner and overall lack of libido.
If you find yourself in such situation, or wanting to help someone who is, a few tips:
- Own the problem. If you’re in a sexless marriage, acknowledge that this is a problem. It is tough to admit that you have a problem, especially when the problem cases you to question big issues like your own desirability and the general happiness in your life. But (exception in rare exception – and there are exceptions) if you are not having sex in your marriage, something is wrong. Admit it… so you can deal with it.
- Identify the causes. Sexlessness can happen for a variety of reasons. In my experience, the most common are – feeling disconnected from your partner, feeling overly busy in your life, having other sources of stress in your life that make you feel unavailable for sex, feeling unattractive.
- Deal with the symptoms with a sense of optimism – start to work on these underlying issues but not out of a sense of desperation or exasperation… but with a sense of optimism. Fixing these things will make you happier
- Fake it till you make it. This is a tough one. But, even if you don;t totally feel like it, have sex anyway. And have sex without a sense of expectation of perfection. Your life may not be perfect but this can be a fun diversion that – while not perfect – is better than wallowing in self pity or balancing the checkbook
- Take matters into your own hand – if you can’t quite bring yourself to partnered sex, masturbate. It will reacquaint you with pleasure… something you may be lacking.