When does it Become Prostitution?

A close female friend of mine recently announced to be that she wants a ‘patron’. She was referring to victorian times, when most of the major artists and entertainers had someone who provided for them financially, so that they could be free to work on their craft… be it painting, music, writing.

My friend is a very talented person. But her talent lies in many areas that are difficult to make a living at… especially in a mid sized Canadian city.  She’s a comedian, an artists and an all around fun person to be around.

So, she wants a patron.  Someone who will give her a modest – or even a generous – stipend that allows her the financial freedom to do her thing.  As opposed to her current situation – where she’s working as a waitress at a steakhouse and doing part time government contracts to pay off the massive debt she’s accrued in the last few years where she was trying to make it as a comedian.

She was joking, but I tried to convince her that there are probably some wealthy people who have seen her perform who would consider giving her a little financial help to assist her in pursuing her dream.  She agreed, but added quickly “they would want sex”.  I should add that my friend is very attractive.

This is probably true.  They might want sex to be a part of the ‘patron’ deal. She said “I’ve been broke before, but I’ve always drawn the line at prostitution”. But it got us taking about whether an arrangement like that would really be a problem.

Someone – a man most likely – would be providing her with financial assistance that allows her to pursue the arts and most likely be his sexual and social companion.  How is this different from many relationships?

Let’s break down the components.  Whoever would enter into this relationship with her will most likely appreciate what she does – he will, as a precondition for her, have an appreciation of both her talent and her company.   She could easily set the bar high enough to only screen in people who show a genuine interest in her talent and her company.  And then, in addition, they will enjoy the time they send sexually.  Lets me frank – this is more compatibility and sharing of interests than some/many marriages I know.

It sounds outrageous, but I think that’s only because we tend to draw pretty sharp – yet incorrect – distinctions between what one can and cannot do for sex.  Paying for sex.. wrong.  Having sex begrudgingly as part of a relationship that kind of makes you miserable but you’re staying in because you can’t afford to leave or you can’t be bothered to leave… ok??

Sex is one of the many, many things that each of us bring to a relationship.  And there is nothing wrong with getting some personal benefit from that element of what you bring to the game.  I hope she finds her patron.

Viagra for the Brain

We all remember the great Robin Williams line “The problem is, God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.”.

Well, new science is showing just how important a man’s brain is to keeping the penis running well.  A UK university has just completed a study wherein it injected men with kisspeptin – a hormone that initiates puberty in young men.  The result – the areas of the brain responsible for sexual stimulation and desire.

This is fascinating.  The original viagra, of course, dealt with the physical inhibitor of erections – getting more blood to the penis so it can get and stay erect.  But it doesn’t make you more turned or make you want to have sex.  And, when yo look at the data on feelings of people in long term relationships, not wanting sex is every bit as detrimental to sex life as a physical inability to get an erection.

This new treatment, if approved, will deal with a far more subtle inhibitor of erection – mental arousal.  Its the spanish fly, rhino horn, aphrodisiac that we’ve been searching for since the dawn of time.

Sexy Saturday Night Discussion

As you head into your Saturday evening dinner party, or date or party… its good to have a few discussion topics ready in case the conversations starts to drift into boring territory.  A couple suggestions that came up recently that I found fun to chat about

  • if you could indulge more in any vice without negative consequence, what would it be?
  • Do you think sexual partners who put their own pleasure first make better or worse lovers (spoiler alert… a recent study found that selfish lovers actually please their partners more than selfless lovers… apparently going after what you want makes you more fun in bed, and as a consequence more giving of pleasure.

Have a happy Saturday.

Our Favourite Sexual Positions — Surprisingly, No Surprises.

When it comes to sex, we can all agree on one thing… thanks to the internet, we have an unprecedented ability to experience sex in any and every conceivable variety. If there is a kink, a sexual act or a sexual position that you can imagine … you can see it on the internet.

Given this, it makes you wonder how our sexual expression has changed as a result. Apparently very little.  A recent survey asked over a thousand participants to rate their favourite sexual positions. The results:

  1. doggy style
  2. girl on top (cowgirl)
  3. missionary

Despite access to every position in the Kama Sutra and beyond, we apparently still love the basics.  My wife and I discussed this last night and came to the same conclusion… while we like to try out some new positions and experiment around, the basics are still our favourites.

Good to see some things never change.


Float Therapy… or ..spending an hour in a dark tank of water ‘relaxing’.

In our eternal quest for new ways to entertain ourselves, my wife and I have ‘float therapy’ a try this weekend.

What is float therapy, you may ask.  The officials line is “Floatation therapy happens within our state of the art sensory deprivation or isolation tanks – constructed to remove external stimuli like noise, light, odor and touch. We believe that floating is a place where customers can float to let go of the daily grind, unplug from the external world, and ultimately relax.”

In plain english, you float in a small, beautiful pod of salt water (think of a large tanning bed look) with no light or noise.  The water is 40% salt so you float almost on top of the water.  And you just lay and relax, deprived of any sensation.

A close friend of ours (a pretty stressed out chick) swears by it and ‘floats’ at least once a week.  For me, I simply couldn’t get into it. I spent the full our in the flotation chamber and tried to clear my mind, as the manager told me to do.  It was pleasant and certainly relaxing, but I never came close to the nirvana state I was promised. To be honest, I was quite bored after 30 minutes.

My wife…she had her own form of success.  She said she was bored after 20 minutes so she got out, had a shower in the gorgeous room that the float chamber was in and masturbated for the rest of her one hour session.  It was just the relaxation she was looking for.

Would you Sext

I have recently discovered just how ubiquitous sexting is.  I was out with friends recently and the question came up — ‘how many have sent naked photos of them selves or explicitly sexy messages?’ For both questions, all hands and the table shot up.

Personally, I was surprised.  I knew sexting was a thing.  But like surfing or kite boarding, I thought it was a bit of a niche.  Apparently not.

But what followed the initial question was a fascinating discussion on some of the group rules for sexting. So.. here is the collective wisdom from our last night, booze fuelled discussion – it actually is pretty reasonable stuff:

  1. The two types of sexting.  Some/many/most people these days have sexting as a component of a physical/in-person relationship.  But there are other sexting relationships, where sexting is the extent of the relationship – you only know one another online and you just enjoy the sexy back and forth.  Both are great.
  2. Rule number one .. and everyone agreed to this immediately — Remember that the person on the other end of the sexting is a real person.  Even if you don’t know the person in ‘real life’, you need to remember that they are a human being worthy of consideration and respect. One of the women at the table  – a pretty prolific sexy texter – said she was surprised at how often the guys she sexted with immediately objectified and degraded her. “I’m not a 1-900 number she said’.  Act like that and you get an immediate block.
  3. If you’re female, you get to make all the rules.  This is an offshoot of #1 but more.  There are so, so many more men who want a sexy sexting relationship, that if you are a female who is into it, you’re a golden unicorn wrapped in fairy dust.  So, last setters, never forget how special you are.
  4. Remember that everything you send endures. This is obvious.  What you send digitally – text or photos – can live on the internet forever.  Make you you really trust anyone you send provocative texts or photos to. And, out of respect, you should ask whether the expectation is that everything is permanently deleted post-sext session.  And, don’t be a douche… if you say you will delete the conversation, delete it.
  5. Be smart with photos. This is obvious too.  Only send provocative photos to someone you really really trust.  And make sure you understand the type of photos the photos the other person wants.  Especially if you’re a guy, a lot of women don’t like dick pick… and a lot do.  But this who dislike them tend to dislike them a lot.
  6. Consider the ethics of the whole thing – especially when you have a primary relationship and you are sexting with someone who is not your primary romantic partner.   People vary tremendously in ‘what they consider sexting to be’.  My wife, for example, sees it as a very innocent pass-time, akin to watching porn.  Others would consider it a form of cheating.  You should know in which camp you and your partner consider sexting.

Its a brave new(ish) world there out on the internet.  There’s lots of sexy fun to be had but also some pitfalls. Sext fun and intelligently.

Just Say Yes!

A Guest Blog From My Wife:

For me, New Year’s is a time of reflection: what do you want to do more of – and less of – to live life to the fullest? A few years ago, a slightly curmudgeon-y friend of ours surprised us by saying his resolution was to “just say yes” whenever he was invited to do something. ‘Good on you,’ I thought.

By contrast, in talking to another friend about what’s on each of our Murtaugh Lists (that is, the list of things we think we’re too old for), I was surprised to hear how long her list was – and how old it made her sound. ‘Boo!’ I thought.

So with these conversations in mind, in 2016 we decided to push the boundaries and do some things that many middle-aged people would think we’re too old for – and it was a blast! Highlights included:

  • Staying up all night and rolling back home at 06:30
  • Having a foursome
  • Learning to surf in Central America
  • Dressing as (and acting like) groupies for a concert

For 2017, we’re going to keep seeking new experiences and adventures that bring our Great Life to the next level. Not sure what they’ll be yet, but when they come knocking, we’re going to just say yes and open the door wide.