The Art of the Sexy Gift

When it comes to Christmas gift giving its easy (and tempting) to stick to the basics – clothing, play tickets, hobby-related swag, books…

But what if you want to spice things up a bit.. add a little XXX to your Xmas.  Finding the right balance between ‘sexy/romantic’ and ‘self-serving perv’ can be delicate.

My wife and I always give each other a few sexy gifts at Christmas. Here are a few tips we’ve worked out

  • Don’t lead with the sexy stuff – as much as you know she’ll love that new cvibrator , most people expect gifts that are more ‘traditional’.  Make sure the first gift they open is a little more PG rated
  • Make it about him/her – make sure that the X rated gifts you give are really with your partner in mind… as opposed to pushing her into a fantasy you’ve had.  If you’ve been trying to talk her into anal and she’s not been interested, a butt plug may be seen as a little selfish and set serving.
  • Timing is everything – save the sexy gifts for after the kids go to bed.  I’ll never forget when I was about 10 years old, at a older cousin’s house on Christmas eve, and my cousin’s fiancé opened a crotchless negligee in front of everyone… awkward!
  • Invest in quality – this one is tricky.  Good sex toys costs a lot of money, but they are sooooo much better than their cheaper equivalent.  A high end vibrator or cock ring is a real pleasure to play with… a cheap one of each is certainly a novelty but gives no real pleasure. My advice… if sex toys and sexy gifts are new to you, invest in items that are going to knock your partner’s socks off.  You want their first impression to be a good one. But if you already have a drawer full of toys, games, lingerie…, then you can do a mix of nice stuff and novelty items
  • Make it functional.  Especially if this is new territory for you both, a sexy gift can be seen as a bit of a joke gift… to be put in a drawer and never discussed again. Make sure that the sexy gift you buy gets used… a lot!

Some have said that Christmas is about family, tradition and charity.  Sure… but no reason it can’t be sexy too!

How to Spice up your Christmas List

From the pen of my wife:

Christmas shopping should be fun … but as it gets closer, it often feels like we’re just trying to get things checked off our list. When you’re feeling that way, it’s time to think about how you can spice the season up with some sexy gifts. They always put a smile on my face (and my husband’s)!

Here are a few ideas:

  1. Experiences – these are always the best! Think about how you can surprise your lover … it could be an evening at home, an unexpected night at a local boutique hotel, or a trip to the strip club. Envision something you think would excite them, and put some time and effort into planning it. I like to think about how to set the right mood, what to wear (especially lingerie … or no underwear), and any fantasies to play out. And you can never do this too often!
  2. Lingerie – okay, ladies! While we’re not supposed to gift ourselves during the holiday, this is one area where that rule doesn’t apply. But yourself some sexy lingerie, and wrap it up with his name on it. You’d never dare try this with a sweater or dress, but I’ll guarantee this trick will get a good reaction.
  3. Toys – I was speaking with the salesperson at a local adult toy store recently, looking for suggestions. She was shocked when she heard we hadn’t used a cock ring before. Apparently, it’s a really common toy. Maybe you can’t wrap it up and put it under the tree, but sounds like a toy that’s sure to please! And there are many, many other ideas in this category (vibrators, dildos, restraints, blindfolds, costumes, body paint, etc.). Be creative, and stretch the boundaries a little bit. You won’t know you like it if you don’t try it.

Happy holidays!

Do Men or Women Make Better Lovers – Ask a Bisexual

There aren’t many sources of objectives and informed advice on whether men or women are better lovers.  Thank God for bisexuals.  They are amongst the privileged few who enjoy the sexual company of both men and women and can objectively discuss the pros and cons of each gender.

As readers of my blog have likely inferred (especially those who have read posts written by my wife), my wife is bisexual. And so are quite a few of my female friends.

So I did an informal survey (just bisexual women.. I know very few bi men).  Who makes better lovers?

A few interesting observations:

  • The adage that women are more intimate and romantic – not true.. at least not always.  Most people assume that when two women have sex it will be really gentle and caring and intimate.  I found a pretty even split between women who say they have more intimacy and romance with another women and women who say being with a man is more intimate.  It totally depends on the lover. And, certainly, in my wife’s experience, she’s been with woman who are super soft and romantic and others who are really intense and dirty.
  • When women are with other women they bring their A-Game.  This may be because most of my bisexual female friends are in primary heterosexual relationships, but they all told me that when they are with other women, both they and the other woman try harder. When a woman plays with another woman there seems to be more foreplay, more toys, more positions.. more of anything.  As I said, I think I have a real survey design problem, but everyone I spoke to said that when they have their bi experience, there seems to be more effort applied all around.
  • As great as girl-girl sex is, there is something missing.  One of the best things about girl-girl sex seems to be that it is not a rush to end with a male orgasm.  But many women told me that, in girl-girl sex, the lack of the ‘finishing’ male orgasm was a bit of a missing element in girl-girl sex.  Its weird.. while the loved the fact that girl-girl sex lacked that goal orientation of the male organs, they king of missed it too.

And another thing I learned, from different conversations I’ve had with a few male friends who are not involved with bisexual women.  There is a near 50/50 split between (i) those who think I’m the luckiest guy in the world having a bi wife; and (ii) those who find it terrifying and would live in constant dread of her leaving me for a woman.

So what are your thoughts?  Do guys or girls make better lovers?