Hot Tub Etiquette Part 2

I had written a post a while ago about our new hot tub and uncertainty we were having on ‘dress code’. I have asked a few friends since then – both sexually open friends and others who are more conservative – about what what should be worn in a hot tub when adults friends come over for a soak.

To my disappointment, the most common advice was to keep the bathing suits on. I, personally, like the freedom and sexual titilation of naked hot tubbing, but certainly would not want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.  So, based on the advice I was getting, my wife and I decided the default assumption when hot tubbing with adult friends would be bathing suits.

So imagine my delight last Friday night… Friends – close friends but pretty conservative and sexually cautious friends – came over for a drink and suggested a hot tub.  My wife and I said sure and went up and put on our bathing suits.  When we retuned downstairs and went out of the hot tub, we found our friends already in, fully naked.

I was thrilled.  It wasn’t like anything sexual would or did happen.  But it have a nice sexy, flirtatious edge to the evening. Loved it!!

When Sex Stops

 

I have often said that sex in a relationship may not be all that important, but the conditions that make you want sex in a relationship are critical.  As I approach mid-life, I am seeing more-and-more often, couples who are no longer wanting to have sex in their relationship.  And the results are devastating.

First, what I mean by sex not being important, but the conditions that make you want sex being critical. While I love sex, I actually think there are many great relationships – especially amongst older people – that survive really well without it.  But what is absolutely essential is having the condition that can lead to sex.  In my experience, the couples who have great sex are those who: (i)  respect each other, (ii) know how to have fun together, (iii) carve out time for their own adult relationship, outside of their time with their kids; (iv) are open and honest enough with one another to share fantasies and desires, sexual and otherwise.  Most of these relationship characteristics/features are not really sexual in nature, but they are things that, when present in a relationship, tend to: make you want sex with your partner and make you want to make sex interesting and entertaining, which makes you want to continue to have sex with your partner.

But, and I hate to say this, I am seeing more and more couples my age who are lack these features in their relationships. They are consumed with parenting and have no ‘couples’  life outside of parenting. They natter and bicker with one another to the point that most of their interactions are curt and critical. They never have real conservations about real things.. they talk logistics and they bitch about stuff, but never really converse.  And, they don’t have fun together.

The result.. weak relationship and no sex.  It breaks my heart to see it, because these are often good people who – deep down – love one another. But they are losing the day to day battle to find moments for love in their lives.  And the result is devastating to their relationships.

I have a very good friend going through this right now.  She is apoplectic because she is not having sex.  She has told me repeatedly of the things she is doing to try to seduce her husband.. sexy movies, new lingerie.. the works.  And as counterintuitive as it sounds for a guy to say this, my main advice was to drop the new sex toys and simply carve out 30 minutes every evening and either go for a walk, have a glass of wine or juts hang out together.  In other words, rebuild the conditions that made them both want to have sex with each other in the first place.  And then the butt plugs and porn can come out!

Do Sensitive Nipples Make You More Sexual, or does a Strong Sex Drive Make Your Nipples Sensitive?… the ultimate chicken and egg scenario

A friend asked me an interesting question last night. She wondered aloud wether her [extremely] sensitive nipples were a reason that she felt constantly aroused and was such a sexual person. Or, was it the converse… that she was so inherently sexual that this made her nipples (amongst other body parts) extra sexually sensitive.

What a great question… and how cool that she asked it.. you have to love friends that are willing to talk about their sexual proclivities :).

So, since we are in the age of google, where anyone with a laptop can do pseudo -PhD level scientific research, I thought I would look into it a bit.

So, first off… the role of breasts on sexual arousal.  For anyone who watches the amazing show, Master of Sex, you will know that it was Master and Johnson in the 1960s who first chronicled that a woman’s breasts would grow and her nipples would be come erect during sexual arousal.

Moreover, when a woman’s breast is stimulated (i.e., licked, pinched.. you get the picture), oxytocin is released. And oxytocin is, of course, the cuddle hormone.  When oxytocin is released we feel warm and good and close to those we are with.

As well, when scientists have mapped pleasure zones on women, they find direct neurological response connections between a woman’s nipples and each off there three most erogenous zones – the clitoris, the vagina and the cervix.

So, baed on that, you would think that the more sensitive your nipples, the more good chemicals get released and the more great neuro-vibes get sent down to your nether regions.

So, I’m going to call it… sensitive nipples, for those lucky enough to have them, make you hornier and more sexual.  And if you happen to be inherently sexual to start with… it probably feels even better.