Both my wife and I travel for business… we’re not 100 day/year travellers, but between the two of us, we are probably on the road at lest four or five days a month. And while its true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, it is equally true that repetitive nights home (or on the road) alone makes you a little horny.
So, if you’re in a monogamous relationships and wants o respect the rules of that commitment, a few tips:
- Discuss the ‘rules’ of your commitment. While it is unlikely your partner would be OK with you hooking up with someone on the side when you’re travelling or home alone (although they may be), they may be ok with some non-threatening, sae variation. How would they feel about the occasional erotic massage with a happy ending; maybe some live sex chatting with a paid service.
- Get really, really accepting of masturbation. There are still, to my surprise, people who feel shameful of their own masturbation, and judging of others who do it. You need to get past this. Masturbation and a bit of porn or erotic reading can be a great companion on a lonely night
- Skype of FaceTime sex chat with your partner. This can be incredibly awkward, but also pretty fun once you get the hang of it. And – to really stress this – if your partner is wanting to do it, try to give it an honest chance. It’s hard to ask for something like this and try to show your partner that you’re game to try new, admittedly, challenging sexual stuff.
- Finally, find other evening hobbies. For many coupled folks, their usual evening activities – sexual or otherwise – tend to be pretty sedentary and pretty coupley. When you find yourself alone or on the road, try to break these routines. Get out to a movie or play, reconnect with friends, go to a museum, or go to a coffee shop or bar and write a blog (as I am right now)
I certainly prefer being home with my wife to being a thousand miles away on the road. And when I’m away (or she is) I certainly miss her and the sexual side of our relationship. But fortunately, we have found ways to cope… hope you do too!
I think that’s a reference to an old 80s song… but I’m not sure. But in this case I’m referring to the dilemma most of us face in prioritizing the fun parts of our life over the day-to-day.
I was having a conversation recently with a close female friend. We were speaking of sex – as we often do. I asked her what were her favourite sexual acts and kinks. She said she was a little embarrassed but she loved, loved anal. I assured her this was cool and pretty common (I’m not hugely into anal but I certainly understand the appeal and was actually pretty impressed that she liked it as much as she seemed to).
The when I used her how often she has anal, I was floored. “Its been a little over 14 years. We used to do it before kids, but we haven’t since they were born”. WTF??? When I think of a few of my favourite things – sex, Dairy Queen Blizzards, rock climbing – there is no way I am going 14 years without any of those.
So.. it got me thinking… how do we make sure we are prioritizing our joy. A few thoughts:
- Reverse your priorities. Set aside three 1 hour blocks per week to do only the things you most like. Schedule them and, then when the time comes, do them no matter what. To hell with you responsibilities… do what you love… three times a week for an hour each time. I suppose if that’s anal, your ass may be a little sire initially… so maybe anal once and DQ Blizzards the other two.
- Celebrate your indulgences. After you’ve given into your pleasurable acts, allow yourself to feel good about it. Never – not even for a second – allow yourself to feel guilty about what you were not doing;
- Allow the pleasure you feel from the acts carry your attitude for the rest of the day. This may be linked to the point above, but when you allow yourself pleasure and allow yourself to feel good about having allowed it… it will permeate you and make everything and everyone in your life feel better.
14 years without your favourite thing is a long time.. too long. Whether you’ve been hankering for a meat lovers pizza, a weekend in Vegas, or your lovers dubbed cock sliding gently into your ass… drop everything this instant and go get it!!
I work with a lot of academic economists. One of their frequent refrains “new data is like porn to them”. There is nothing a researcher of any type likes more than original data, from which they can conduct research to better understand the world.
So imagine the euphoria on brainiac-ville, when the new data really is porn. Porn Hub has, in recent years, led the crusade to make data public on our sexual proclivity and porn viewing habits.
By analyzing the Porn Hub data, we are able to understand sexual habits, desires, and fantasies — how they evolve as we age, how they vary by gender, age, relationship status or social economic status, and even how they effect our other hobbies and habits. The combining on online meta data with porn viewing data is a powerful thing.
The latest from Porn Hub – Cuckolding – it seems that married men are far more intrigued by the idea of their wife having sex with another man than are the wives themselves. Married men are 5 times more likely than women to view cuckolding porn (where a man watches his wife have sex with another man). Married women, on the other had, are twice as liked to search for terms like “husband and wife making love”.
But before you jump to the conclusion that women are more chaste and romantic in their porn consumption, keep in mind that the top porn search terms for women is “threesome” porn and “lesbian” porn. In both of those categories, women are far more likely to search out that type of porn than are men.
A couple of thoughts on this:
- the fact that men are so much more into cuckolding than women surprised me a bit. There is very conclusive sexual science showing that women carve sexual diversity as much as men. I guess the thought of getting that sexual diversity in front of their husband is simply less appealing to women than it is to men.. but that surprised me
- the fact that women watch ‘romantic’ porn more than men doesn’t surprise me, but I bet it is not for the reason most think. I believe porn watching is a little newer to women and still a bit taboo.. as such some (by no means all) will search for the type of porn they are expected to want, as opposed to what they may eventually really want.
- And on women enjoying threesome and lesbian porn… that fits my experience completely. It is a super common female fantasy and real life desire.
So.. thanks to the good folks at Porn Hub for all they do in the interest of science. When those Nobel Prize ballots come around next year, lets hope they are remembered and rewarded.
A female friend surprised my wife and I recently by asking if she could watch us have sex.
We had been talking about how common and mainstream is was becoming to watch porn. She admitted to watching and said she liked amateur ‘real’ porn best. She liked the naturalness of it … the flaws, the imperfect lighting … the realness.
This led to a fun discussion on whether any of us would want to watch people have sex, live. My wife and I had been to a ‘live sex show’ once in Amsterdam. It was fun but not really sexy… very contrived. We have, however, been in situations where people have bene having sex around us and it was very hot.
So, all this to say, everyone quickly agreed that watching real people have real sex was pretty hot.
And then she put it out there – “I’d love to watch you two (my wife and I) have sex”. We asked what she would do and she said just watch and let herself get turned on (i.e. masturbate). We talked about it lightly for a while and left it at ‘something we should all definitely consider because it could be fun’.
So… what should we do?
When is the best time to have sex?
Many people I know swear that morning sex is best. Science supports them – according to an Italian research paper, 5:48 am is the optimal time to have sex, based on testosterone levels being higher and, therefore, arousal levels being at their peak.
Cosmopolitan magazine backs up the claim of superior morning sex, saying that men especially will find morning sex most arousing.
An informal survey of my friends this weekend found wide support for afternoon sex. I asked three couples we were out with when they most liked to get it on. The unanimous response – the afternoon. They said they were often too tired at night and the morning just felt too busy and chaotic. While I didn’t love their rationale (essentially, afternoon is the only time we can fit it in) I suspect a lot of young parents feel the same.
Me, persoanlly, I like evening sex. I have actually turned down morning and afternoon sex, holding out for the evening. My reasons:
- You can take the time in the evening to draw it out. Aside from, I suppose, a desire to get to sleep, therein nothing rushing us in the evening. You can have drawn out foreplay, sexy talk, a glass of wine to get in the mood. Daytime sex is an act, evening sex can be an event.
- You can anticipate the sex all day. I love the feeling of being a little bit aroused all day… anticipating the sex that will come.
But maybe I’m splitting hairs… I suppose you should take good sex whenever you can get it.
I just watched the most fascinating sport. Speed Climbing. Speed Climbing is a very specialized rock climbing discipline where competitors race up a pre-set 35 foot, 90 degree vertical route (same every time) as quickly as possible. The winners do this in about 6 seconds check out this video.
I’ve never seen anything like it. They run up this wall as quickly as they would go across a flat surface. I’m pretty into rock climbing and know some folks whom I would say are pretty quick on the wall… but nothing like this.
It did make me think that it would make pretty good entertainment to see if the other ‘professional’ climbers – monkeys, cats, squirrels – could compete.
My daughter’s school had a guest speaker in recently speaking about the dangers of online predation. She was a policy investigator specializing in online predators and, after hearing her speak, I was terrified. The stories she told about older men trying to entice young girls on line to send pictures, meet…. It was really scary and made me really worry about the dangers my daughter was exposed to online.
So, I started to do some research. Was the online world as scary fro young girls as I was fearing. The answer seems to be yes and no… but mostly no.
Here is the truth in what she was saying. There are lurkers online who will try to communicate with girls and try to get them to do things that are pretty unsavoury. The good news is, though, that they are pretty rare and easily dissuaded if the girl on the receiving end of their attention shows no interest… they move on quickly.
But here’s the most important point I found. I read a blog by an historian who has researched the history of dating. Her findings were incredible. Every major technology advance that goes children more independence, we find a similar overreaction/hysteria from parents.. that their children are in mortal (and moral) danger.
In the early 1900s when it became socially acceptable for a woman to go on a date without a chaperon. In the 40s, when automobiles proliferated and boys and girls could go on date, and when telephones became mainstream…. the response was identical. Parents feared that the newfound independence for their daughters would lead to horrible consequences at the hands of predatory men. And the good news… it hasn’t.