Sex in a Tired, Overstretched Society

People are very tired these days.  Studies show that well over half the population is chronically tired. And while we rally to do the things we have to do – work, childcare, getting dinner on the table – it is everything else that suffers.

The National Sleep Foundation found that 1 in 4 Americans claim to be too tired to have sex. Too tired to have sex?? How sad.

I can certainly understand that we work hard and we have a lot of stress in our lives, but certainly the joy and release that comes with sex is worth rallying for. If you’re feeling too tired for sex, a few tips:

  • Turn off the TV – binge watching is approaching epidemic proportions.  The average american watches 5 hours of TV a day. Firstly, it probably means you’re staying up to late watching TV; but it also means you’re spending a hell of a lot of time with the boob tube.. the worn type of boob to be fixating on (very bad pun… sorry)
  • Just say yes – you sometimes need to rally a bit to initiate sex.  I think it was Newton who said that the natural tendency of a body at rest is to stay at rest (he was talking laws of inertia, but it applies here as well.  Newton had a wicked sex life).  And once you commit, no matter how tired you are, chances are you’ll enjoy it
  • Get your exercise and eat well.  Nothing makes you feel more energized than a (reasonably) healthy diet and regular physical activity.
  • Understand that sex begets sex. Once you start having more sex, it tends to propagate. So, just start.

So, get off the couch and into the bed.. but don’t fall asleep.

Step Mom Porn Fetish… is there a deeper meaning?

Have you ever visited an online porn streaming site… Pornhub, SpiceVOD, etc?  Let me rephrase that… of course you have.  Have you notice when you visit these sites, the huge prominence of ‘family-themed’ porn… step-moms, son-in-law, taboo families…

It’s ubiquitous. As a matter of fact, ‘step mom’ was the third most searched porn theme last year on porn hub.

People can’t get enough of the incest-themed porn.

Why is this?

Firstly, what it isn’t.  I will say with confidence that I believe that the vast, vast, vast majority of people who watch this type of porn have no real desire to have sex with their relatives. To my knowledge – and I have dug into this a bit – rates of incest are not increasing since the advent of online porn.  And the incidence of sex with step parents has not increased as divorce rates (and, therefore, increases in the number of step parents) has risen. So, people are not getting into incest… this form of porn appears to be pure fantasy.

So, why is it so popular?  This is quite insightful I think… so bear with me through this logical sequence.  I think the biggest downside of porn is the lack of connection and intimacy between the characters.  Porn is, by and large, just two (or more) people fucking.. there is no connection between them and the sex is, therefore, less interesting. there is no built up desire, no emotional connection, no investment in the act of sex.  In step mom porn, however, there is a relationship and an assumed intimacy between the characters.  I wonder if part of the appeal of stop mom porn is that we can intimate a bond between the characters and, therefore, feel more investment in the sex they are about to have.  We can feel the hesitation, the desire to act on flirtation but not being sure if their should, we can feel the moment of surrender to that desire. While, in ‘normal’ porn we feel none of these things.. the pizza delivery boy gets fucked because he’s the guy who happens to be there.

In all honesty, I would say I am still not a fan of step mom porn, but I may be starting to get the appeal a bit more.



The Evolution of Geeks… my trip to Comic-con

I’ve never really been into comic books.  And while I enjoy the occasional scifi book or movie, I have never really considered myself a fan. So imagine my surprise to find myself at Comic-con this weekend.

My daughter is a ‘fangirl’ and an avid members of numerous fandoms – Whovian, Potterworld, Sherlockian.  She made herself a gorgeous Daenarous Targareon (Game of Thrones) costume, got the rest of us outfitted in wizard and elf costumes, and we headed off the Comic-con.

What an experience.  First of all, virtually everyone is dressed up.  From 4 years old to 94, there are warlocks, orks, elves, dragon ladies… every imaginable characters from scifi tv and movies, video games comic books and manga.  Many of the costumes were extremely elaborate and homemade. People would have spent weeks on them.. and they were fantastic.

The other thing you notice.. and this may be a function of my age and maturity — geeks are not as ‘weird’ as I remember them being. The vast majority of the comic-con patrons were just regular folks: average looks (and by no means hideous and often pretty attractive); the we spoke with seemed to have pretty normal social skills; polite.. normal folks.  We did overhear a long (and heated) debate about the cultural and governance differences between the borg and some other alien race I was not familiar with… but all in good fun.

Finally – and I was a bit relieved by this given I was there with my teenage and preteen daughters – it was not as sexualized as I thought it might be.  I had the impression that the comic/fantasy culture was pretty X rated.  I thought the costumes would be really provocative (some were a bit.. but only a bit) and I thought the mood might be a bit more sexually charged –  have always understood the incidents of polyamory, open relationships and open sexuality to be much higher in the fandom communities.  While I have no issues with this – at all – I was happy that my kids were not immersed in a sexual environment at their age.

So.. overall.. my first comic-con was a great time. Seems nuts someone would pay 50$ for an autograph from a secondary character on Dr Who… but whatever.  Here’s to the new generation of geeks everywhere.

Does Anyone Not Like Seeing Others Having Sex???

“I really don’t like the sight of people having sex”, said a friend who was over for dinner last night.  We were talking about both rom/com movies and the study I blogged on yesterday, about porn viewing.  And this was her comment. She does not like porn or erotica or even nudity in movies… because she doesn’t like the sight of other people having sex.

I wasn’t sure what to say.  I watch porn, my wife and I watch porn together, and we’ve always considered it a pretty fun hobby.  I could tell my wife was feeling exactly the same… wanting very much to ‘come out of the closet’ with our porn hobbies just to make the point that lots of ‘normal’ people like watching others have sex.

I fully understand that porn is not everyone’s cup of tea.  There are lost of things to dislike about porn – the cheesiness, the ethical standards in much of the industry, the explicitness.  Porn can be pretty bad, at times.

So, I asked her.. is it porn you don’t like or is it exploitation or women.  Basically “come on.. everyone likes seeing sex.. surely it is the delivery system you have issue with”.  But no, she simply does not like seeing nudity or people having sex. Her husband – a great guy – was very silent.  I had the good sense not to ask for his talk on it, knowing from personal experience with him at a strip bar that he certainly has no problem with seeing nudity :)).

I’m likely over reacting.  I’m sure there are lots of people just like her.  Many, many people are not into sex and sexuality…. and that’s fine. I juts didn’t know any of my close friends fell into that camp.

Porn and Guilt – continues to amaze me

Porn… a gateway to salvation?!?!?!

Porn consumption is a tricky thing and individual experiences vary… tremendously. For some… a sexy, escapist hobby; for others.. a relationship enhancer; for yet others… addiction-foder.

But this new one… a gateway to salvation…. A new study (from a very reputable and objective source – published in the Journal of Sexual Science – has linked high porn consumption with a tendency to become more religious. Read my lips here… watching porn a lot makes you embrace religion. Mind blown.

Before you dismiss this (because it is very counter intuitive) let me unpack this.

First, the research methodology… because this is a high quality study.  Researchers followed 1,300 people over a 6 year period (this is a very respectable longitudinal research method.. very respectable).  They followed their porn viewing habits and their level of frequency of engagement in religious activities.

And the result.  They found: (i) those who watched porn tend to initial engage in less religious activity; but (ii) frequent porn watchers – more than once a week (is that frequent – oh oh) – eventually begin to engage in more religious activity.  So, for some reason, people who watch a lot of porn tend to – eventually – seek religion.

This is amazing!  Yet another example of the odd relationship between sex and our morality.  What is obviously at play here is a sense that develops over time that our porn consumption is wrong.  Watch too much and then seek redemption.  I’m not saying this is right or wrong (although I think its wrong.. so maybe I am saying that)… just that it is really fascinating.


When is it OK to ask if they are real?

“They’re real… and they’re spectacular”.  Anyone of a certain age will remember that famous line from Teri Hatcher’s guest appearance on Seinfeld… after a full episode of Jerry, George, Elaine and Krammer debating whether her breasts could possibly be real… and how they could find out.

Its a tough topic to broach. How do you ask a woman if she’s had a boob job?  We would never hesitate to ask whether someone has had there hair coloured or whether they’ve lost weight. Yet a boob job is so steeped in judgement that it is an awkward – bordering on impossible – topic to bring up.

So, what’s going on?  Why are boob jobs stigmatized as the ultimate intrusion on God’s design for your body.  We can wear makeup, starve ourselves to lose weight, spend obscene amounts of money on clothing, or get a nip or tuck virtually anywhere.  Anything to improve our appearance is fair game.  Except…. getting a boob job is a bridge simply too far.

My wife is half thinking about a minor boob job. She would like to a be a bit bigger.  And she’s met a number of women who she thinks (i)  have great boobs and (ii) may have purchased them.  But she has no idea who to ask them whether they are, indeed, purchased.  And then, where they got them done.  Because, lets face it, there are some amazing boob jobs and there are some pretty hideous ones.

Our Unusual Kinks (part 2)

The wild and wonderful things that turn us on — I’ve been thinking a bit lately this lately.  I had a dinner conversation this weekend with friends on exactly this subject.

Which brings me to furry porn.  I had honestly never heard of this. The urban dictionary described furry porn as “still images or motion pictures involving animals involved in some kind of sexual act, whether it be with another animal or a human. The animal does not need to be furry in most cases”.

In the interest of research, I dis a little investigation.  An XTube search of furry porn turns about about 500 videos.  An important learning – the animals (and humans) depicted are all animated… so no real animals (thank god).  The usually look seems to be highly stylized and sexualized animated foxes or bear-like creatures either going at it with humans or other furries much like themselves.

To be honest, it all seemed pretty innocent (as far as porn goes).  Personally, I didn’t see the appeal, but I can understand that those into anime and fandom type stuff might get a  charge out of it.

Its a big, kinky world out these… hope you find yours.