Lesbians make a comeback… But MILFs are on a downturn

In an effort to make the world a better informed place, PornHub has been releasing -for the past 7 years – data on how its users are consuming porn.  One of the interesting insights you can get form this is the type of porn people most like.

We love – absolutely love – lesbian porn.  In 2015, lesbian porn was the most searched porn category, retuning to the tope stop it last held in 2010.   Perhaps not surprisingly, lesbian porn has been in the top 5 every years since stats have been kept. Except for 2013 when it fell to 6th and 2012 where it dropped out of the top 10 altogether.  2012 – bad year for the lesbians.

Milf porn has not fared so well.  Since debuting in the number 1 stop in 2009, it has not been back.  For 2015 it dropped to the number 5 position, down from number 3 last year.

Joking aside, what can we tell about people from their porn viewing habits.   A couple of observations:

  • playing around the boundaries of seriously taboo subjects is big.  Three of the top 10 categories deal with some form of quasi-incense – step sister, mom and step mom are all in the top 10.  Similarly, big age differences – teen and milf – are consistently in the top 5.
  • storyline seems to be secondary – not once have topics like ‘feature’ or ‘storyline’ cracked the top ten list.  Apparently we’re not watching porn for the stories
  • romance is out – terms like ‘couple’ or ‘romance’ are nowhere to be found.

Not to read too much into this, but it is said that the proliferation easily available porn is desensitizing us to sexual images.  Maybe its true.  We seek out porn that is increasingly outside the reality of our sex lives.. or possible sex lives. We are drawn to the different or sexually unattainable.  Maybe.

De-Stigmatizing the Sex Work Industry

I am a big supporter of a woman’s right to do sex work.

Last night at a dinner party, discussion turned to strippers and prostitution. Canada is moving to decriminalize sex work – which it has always been until a pool conceived law by a right wing Parliament last year.

The dinner party was a pretty mixed group of people, so the discussion on whether sex work is ‘OK’ got pretty heated.  My view has always been that sex work should be legal but regulated.  Legal, because people have the right to sell their sexuality. Regulated because they should be safe against exploitation or coercion in that decision.

Some of my friends disagree pretty strongly with this.  Fair game – but there reasoning did little to convince me.  The arguments against sex work were, as usual, 3 parts ideology/morality; 2 parts anecdote and 1 part (at best) evidence. By this I mean:  they think it is morally wrong, they have stories of women who have been exploited by sex work and they make (very weak) evidentiary conclusions based on the stories as opposed the evidence.

The reality twofold: (i) it is fine to feel morally opposed to sex work; I don’t feel this way, but there is a reasonable moral argument against sex work; and (ii) it is wrongheaded to feel that making sex work illegal is help ing woman and current and potential sex workers.  The evidence is overwhelming – women are safer when sex work is legal and carried out under a transparent regulatory regime.

So, if you are against sex work, be honest about your reasoning.  Its because you think its ‘wrong’. It is not because you cafe about the safety of those who may be doing it.

This view did not go over well.  Which led to the inevitable “What if your daughter (I have 2) became a sex worker?

This is a fair question.  I had three thoughts:

  1. It would depend on her reasons for being in sex work. If she’s honestly confident and comfortable with it and doing it because its a good way to earn money And it is not diminishing her ability to have a good relationship and a good life, I might… might… be OK with it;
  2. It depends on what type of sex work. I would have an easier time with her stripping than being a prostitute.
  3. Even though I am supportive of sex work, many are not.  I would not want my daughter facing the stigmatization of these people who look down on sex workers.
  4. There are many – legal – jobs I would not want my daughter to have.  I wouldn’t want her, as an adult, making minimum wage working at McDonalds. I wouldn’t want her being a sales rep for a cigaret company.

All this to say, however, I may not be as progressive as I thought. While I  completed support the right of people to engage in sex work, I do have a quiesiness about the idea that my daughters doing it.  When I peel away the layers and the arguments, I think what it comes down to is this: sex is still heavily stigmatized and even for those of us in the sex positive movement, we may still have some of the hang ups and internalized anti-sex perspectives that we were brought up with.  We still have work to do.

Pushing Your Sexual Comfort Zone

I was (pleasantly) surprised recently when a friend confided in me that she loved anal sex.  I had always considered her pretty cautious and conservative in all things sexual, so this came as a bit of a shock.

I know for a fact that she is not someone who experiments with sex a lot.  And she is not someone who will do things sexually just because her partner asked.  So how she ended up with his dick in her ass was a mystery to me.

So I asked.  Her answer was pretty good. Especially if you are  person who is not experimental by nature.  That she knew that she and her husband had become pretty stale in terms of sex in their relationship.  She knew there were options for remedying this, but many were beyond them at the moment.  She has wanted to experiment with a third (a woman) but this was not the right time in their relationship to introduce a new person.  She would like more drawn out passion, but they are super busy and this would cause more stress than fun.

So, she made of list of new sexual things they could try that would require no more time (because they have none) and would not be seen as an external threat to their relationship (at this point opening up their relationship, even in a fantasy sense, would be hard).

So… after a little list-making and soul searching, she’s got his penis in her butt.  And she loved it.