You Got What!? in Your Bedroom

What is the last thing your children would want to see if they walk into your bedroom?  I would guess number one is to find you having sex, followed a close second by direct evidence that you ever have sex.

Which begs the question… what’s with the current trend of getting a stripper pole in the bedroom?

Before I deconstruct this one, let me start with a caveat.  I like strippers, I like stripper poles and I loved it when my wife and a few friends took pole dancing lessons.  That said, we do not (and are not ever vaguely considering) getting our own stripper pole.

But I know a number of couples who are having stripper poles installed.  I know two couples who are getting them in their bedroom. Both of these couples have kids. I’m no prude, but I have to admit that I find this a little icky, or maybe just tacky.

Not to pass judgment, but I think kids have a right to be shielded from their parents sexual proclivities.  I think it is great when parents have active and kinky sex lives, but their kids really (really!) don’t need to know the details.  And walking into your parents stripper-pole adorned bedroom… well, that’s just a bit much for me.

I say this very rarely about sexual stuff… but I find that a stripper pole in the bedroom (if you have kids) is just wrong. As I said, I think visible direct evidence that you have kinky sex is a bit much to impose on your children.  It’s fine that they know you have sex (even good) but I think we owe it to them to spare them the kinky details. I would feel the same of any other kink.  Whips and floggers belong in a private cabinet, your porn should be on an unaccessible hard drive, and your stripping should be your kinky little secret (at least form your kids).

We were at a party last night – three families.  One family was building a new house and was complaining that the quote for their new staircase came in a $24,000. They said they were considering just getting a fireman’s pole instead. Everyone laughed… my daughter (13 years old) deadpanned… ‘we don’t need a pole of any sort in our house… MOM!’  I could not agree more.

5 Great Things To Do on the Weekend – Family Edition

This morning over breakfast our 13 year old daughter asked all of us what our top 5 things to do on the weekend were. There were some good ideas, so I thought I’d share some.

From My Daughter (13 years old):

– rock climbing outdoors (or in gym); going to a book store; go carting; zip lining (or rope courses); reading; going to a movie

From My Daughter (11 years old)

– rock climbing; lego; play with her pet or take neighbour’s dog for a walk; visit grandparents; going for a hike

From My Wife

– coffee/paper; doing annoying lists with family; family hike; hang with friends; beach volleyball; rock climbing


– rock climbing, newspaper w coffee; orienteering/hiking with family; drinks/dinner with friends; blogging; mountain biking.fa

Most Common Sexual Fantasies – A Series (part 3)

As a women, do you fantasize about sex with another woman?  According to sex educator Tracy Cox’s top 20 sexual fantasies for men and for women, this is the #3 most common fantasy for women.

Through this series of blogs, I will get into the basis for these ‘common’ fantasies, how common they actually seem to be, their realizability, and any other disconnected thoughts I may have at the moment on them. If I’m feeling bold, I may also share some of my experiences with them.

So, how common is this fantasy?  In my experience, very.  It used to surprise me to see how many women fantasized about being with another women.  Not to sound like a pervert, but I spend a fair bit of time discussing sexual fantasies with other people. Amongst the many, many, women with whom I’ve discussed sexual fantasy, I think this is amongst the most widely held.  Of female friends whom I would consider sexual open minded, I would say the vast majority have admitted to this sexual fantasy.  Of female friends who are not quite as sexual, I am still surprised at the number who will shyly smile and admit that its crossed their minds during times when their lustful mental barriers where down.

So, why is this so prolific.  I think there are two reasons.   Firstly, I do believe the science that has found that a majority of women (and significant number of men) experience sexual fluidity and are somewhere along the bisexuality spectrum.  It is sometimes uncomfortable to admit, especially for those in monogamous relationships, that you lust after the same sex.  Secondly, (for women exclusively and not for men, I would think) there is a knowledge that their sexual engagement with a woman is a big turn on for their male partner… and this makes it hot for them to think about doing it.

For my wife, this is a big one.  She is unembarrassed to admit that she finds other women sexy and the thought of being with other women is a big turn on.  When she has confided this to friends she find, almost without exception, that this is a shared fantasy.  That said, the extent which other women feel comfortable acting on this is much more mixed.

So, is this fantasy as common as I think?

Most Common Sexual Fantasies – A Series (part 2)

I began a series earlier this week, discussing sex educator Tracy Cox’s top 20 sexual fantasies for men and for women.

Through this series of blogs, I will get into why I think these are common fantasies, how common they actually seem to be, their realizability, and any other disconnected thoughts I may have at the moment on them. If I’m feeling bold, I may also share some of my experiences with them.

Fantasy #2 for women is having sex with a man other than their husband.  Apparently, the fantasies is exentuated when the other man is the spouse or partner is a friend.

So what is the basis of this fantasy.  I guess the idea of sex with another man is pretty obvious — we crave variety and we crave sex with different people.

It’s the second part that surprises me a bit. Why would the fantasy be better if the sex is with the partner of a friend?  I asked my wife and another female friend about this.  Their reaction was (i) they certainly fantasize about other guys, but (ii) the idea of it being a partner of a friend doesn’t really do it for them. Their guess was that sex with a friend’s partner would, for some, make them feel like their are sexier and more desirable than their friends.  I guess this makes sense, but it also seems a little mean spirited.

So, ladies… do you fantasize about other guys (of course you do) and do you like to think about stealing them from a friend?

What’s the Rush? Launching the Slow Sex Movement

In our ever fast-paced world, we see people grasping desperately at ways to slow things down. Think the slow food movement, or the growing popularity of meditation and yoga retreats. In this same vein, I’ve got a new movement we should launch: the Slow Sex Movement (or SSM).

Picture it: how many quick hand jobs or rolls in the hay would you trade for one night of long, drawn out sex? For a night that includes sexy games, teasing, maybe a little light bondage, or [insert your favourite fantasy here]? If reading this made you twitch, then you are a prime candidate to support this movement!

My husband and I had a night to ourselves last night and were planning to go to a friend’s party. When I confided that I was incredibly horny and would prefer to stay in and ravish each other, let’s just say it took no further convincing. We opened up our box of tricks and got out a few favourite toys, a skimpy outfit for me to wear during our dinner in, and some sexy discussion cards. We played on and off throughout the evening, but always held a little something back, stopping just in time to let things continue to build … and when we finally peaked … let’s just say it was huge.

Sure life’s busy and you can’t always make time for a 2-3 hour sex session … but the Slow Sex Movement is all about looking for the opportunity and capitalizing on it when you can. All those in favour, raise your #@*!

Most Common Sexual Fantasies (a series – part 1) – anticipatory or remembering experiences with your partner

What sexual fantasies really turn our crank?   Sex educator tracy Cox has published her top 20 sexual fantasies for men and for women.  They are good lists, so I thought I would dissect these fantasies – one at a time.

Through this series of blogs, I will get into why I think these are common fantasies, how common they actually seem to be, their realizability, and any other disconnected thoughts I may have at the moment on them.  If I’m feeling bold, I may also share some of my experiences with them.

Fantasy #1 (for both men and women) – Fantasies about current or anticipatory sex with your current partner

I think Tracy included this as fantasy #1 because it is such a non-controversial, non-confrontational fantasy to discuss with your partner – “My #1 fantasy is you”!

But there is a great deal of truth to it.  For many of us who are in long term relationships (especially very long term relationships), the vast majority of our sexual experience has been, and will be, with our current partner.  The ability (and desire) to relive past sexual adventures and anticipate new ones is a tremendous asset to your relationship.  It makes us think fondly of the past and look forward to the future. More importantly, it increases the likelihood you’ll keep your sex live hot and continue to see these knew sexual adventures with you partner, rather than at the exclusion of your partner.

One could argue, I suppose, that your current partner is the stuff reality, not fantasy.  I get this.  Fantasies are for extra spice and variety.  Isn’t stuff you’ve done, or will do, with your current partner a little too real for your fantasy life.  And I certainly believe that one person (our partner) cannot be the ‘be all and end all’ of our erotic desires.  So,like I said, I get it… but I would like to think being able to incorporate the past and future of your current relationship in your sexual fantasy repertoire is a good thing.

My own experience…. Yes, past and future experiences with my wife definitely play a prominent role in my fantasy life.  That said, there are certain things we’ve done sexually that play a more prominent role.  I am far more likely to fantasies about the wilder things we’ve done on the past. I fantasized recently about a time early in our relationship where I was giving her oral sex one morning before we went to help a friend move. As she was approaching orgasm, I stopped and said she would have to wait to finish until after we had helped our friend. Our sexual relationship was very new then and we both remember (very fondly) the sexual anticipation that built over the course of that day… waiting to be alone again.

I must admit that when I fantasize about past and future sexual experiences with my wife, these fantasies certainly veer toward some of the more kinky or non-traditional things we’ve done.  I rarely fantasize about romantic, passionate sex.  I have loved this sex, but it rarely re-features in my erotic imagination.

For you all…  does your partner feature (our would they feature if you had a long term partner) in your fantasies or is your fantasy life for you alone – and the assorted set of cast and characters you invent in?

Afternoon Masturbation – Am I the Only One Missing Out

An afternoon masturbation break?

We had a small dinner party last night – just my wife and I and one other couple.  At some point, my wife mentioned that she had been tired earlier and so she had a nap during the afternoon (she doesn’t work Fridays).  The wife from the other couple smiled and said, “fun nap or sleepy nap”?  My wife laughed, “it started with a little fun”.  The other woman smiled and said, “What time?  We may have been masturbating together. I did a quickie at 2 o’clock before I had to go meet our house contractor”.

I looked at the other guy and said, I’m definitely not getting the most out of my day.  He just laughed and said that he had worked all day too, but when he came home to an empty house at 5:30. “Empty house, 30 minutes of free time…”.

Am I the only one missing out.  Of the four of us, I am likely the more sexual… but I virtually never masturbate in the afternoon.  I think of it sometimes, but I never give in.

So… am I missing out?  Do most people engage in these afternoon delights?