The Mile High Club

Are you a member?I read an article recently about how prolific mile high club membership actually is. Studies have shown that as many as 20 percent of flyers have joined.

I joined the mile high club years ago. Although, considering the amount of time I have spent on airplanes (way too much) and how much I enjoy sex (a lot), I’m a very infrequent visitor to ‘The Club’. I guess when it comes down to it, sex on a plane is not as exciting as one might think it is.

First, the obvious, airplane bathrooms are beyond tiny. When I joined the Mile High Club, about 15 years ago, I swear they were bigger. But even then, I feel that having sex in the washroom of an airplane is something you did just to say you did it, as opposed to something you truly enjoyed. Today, I honestly can’t imagine.

Secondly, as I get older, I don’t think I would like the judgment. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but won’t everyone know you’re doing it. The bathroom doors are now in the middle of the aisle and I’m sure people would notice is two of us ducked in (even if we staggered our approach).

All of this said, I’m not impervious to the appeal of airplane sex. If I were single, I can certainly appreciate the excitement of meeting and flirting with a seat-mate and then, the eroticism of a one-time, anonymous encounter. My wife has a fantasy of reading an erotic story, getting herself turned on, and then randomly choosing a stranger to join her in the bathroom for quick relief (fantasy-only… that is beyond the rules of our relationship… but a fun fantasy). This type of Mile High’ism’ I can understand.. the sex is really the culmination of the experience and fast and uncomfortable is probably just fine.

So were do I end up? When I read the article on Huffington Post on the Mile High Club, and when I started to write this, I was placing myself squarely in “I’m done with it” camp… happy to leave my mile high experiences behind. Now I’m not so sure. I think I’m convincing myself that the excitement outweighs the discomfort. Maybe I need to give it another shot.

Ironically, as I write this, I am on an airplane, cruising at about 14,000 feet. Unfortunately, it is a pretty short flight though.. so I may have to wait until next time.

An Amazing Sensual First – A Prologue

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a fun, sensual adventure we had with a friend. As a reminder…  after a long flirtatious buildup and desire on all sides, an evening of dinner and then drinks at our place turned into long, sensual makeout session between my wife and our friend (R). It was highly sensual and pretty innocent (kissing, sensual groping) between the two of them as I watched. It was within what R thought her husband (who was out of town) would be OK with, but she was not 100% sure and he did not know what was going on while he was out of town.

Someone recently asked me if there was any fallout after the fact.  So… the prologue.

R did tell her husband what happened.  R presented it to him well (I think). She rolled it out in the context of “you know this is something I have wanted to do of a while, the opportunity came up and I went for it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you beforehand, but it doesn’t threaten our relationship at all and I don’t regret it”.

Her husband’s reaction was pretty good.  He said he was not at all upset and a little intrigued, but he apparently had no desire to really discuss it in depth.  When we saw him next, about 2 days later, I got no hint that he was upset or uncomfortable.  If anything he was more engaged, flirtation and relaxed than he usually is when we get together.  I definitely got the sense that he was a little aroused by the sexual vibe and adventure.

R’s reaction since has been harder to understand.  In retrospect, I think she has mixed feelings and is a little conflicted.  A tiny bit of context:  my wife and I are very good friends with R and her husband, but R and I are the closest friends.  Furthermore, out of the four of us, I am the most likely to suggest new or different activities or sexy issues for discussion – I am the instigator.  So… R’s conflicted reaction.  In retrospect, she feels that what she and my wife did was awesome and fun. She said she really liked it and would have liked to have taken it further (which may be the source of her conflicted feelings). Yet, she feels guilt that I was there for it and her husband was not. But… she knows that it likely would not have happened had I not been there.  She has told me that when she and my wife started to make out, she knew that it was a bit wrong that she was doing it with me there (and feared she might want it to go further amongst the three of us – at one point she asked if she could watch my wife and I have sex.. we politely declined, knowing that was too far with her husband not there), but despite knowing that was a bit wrong, she felt the opportunity would never arise if I was not there.  So, she went for it… but not without some sense of guilt.

And for me… this makes me feel a little guilty.  Did I encourage her to do something she wasn’t 100% comfortable with. I didn’t mean to, but I will admit, I do encourage people to explore their sexuality.

So, where does that leave us all?  I’m not sure. We have hung out as friends since. It has been fun and fine but I do sense she is a little less relaxed than she usually is (her husband is great and fine).. but this may be because she is really busy and stressed with other stuff.  We have a family vacation planned in a few weeks (the two families).  I don’t know what to expect then. I’m sure it will be fine.. but I’m not sure if there will be any sexy adventures…. will keep you all posted.

Who Is Your Tribe (or I spend way too much time in airport lounges)

We are all tribal. Science has shown pretty conclusively that we are most comfortable and happy when we are amongst a small group of people that we can relate to.

So, who is your tribe? I was a bit surprised (and not in a good way) to find out who mine was.

This weekend, I decided to go to a sports bar in our neighborhood to watch the hockey game. I don’t go there often, so I wasn’t surprised when I only knew two other people there. It did make me think, however, that family life and other activities have kept me pretty busy and that it is kind sad that I hardly knew anyone in a guys/sports setting like that.

Fast forward to this morning. I was scheduled for a short business trip. I arrived at the airport early enough to pop into the airport lounge for a quick latte and breakfast. In the lounge I immediately spotted six other people I knew, all jetting off for business travel. Is this my tribe? The denizens of the airport business class lounge.. who work too hard, see their families too infrequently and, die of heart attacks way too early.

It really made me think.

5 Tricks for Maintaining a Long Term Happy Relationship

Have you ever been at  family reunion or other type of multi-generational event and seen an older couple (60 yrs old +) who are obviously still energetic, engaged and into each other?  I often wonder what it is about couples like this that allows them to stay so clearly in love and dynamic after so many years of life and relationship.

So I started asking them. Whenever I see an older couple that seems particularly happy, I ask them for their tricks. Here are a few of the best I have heard recently:

1. Stay Interesting To Your Partner – this was, perhaps, the most consistent theme.. don’t allow yourself to become a curmudgeonly, bitter old crank.  Older people in happy relationships resist the grumpiness and stubbornness that often accompanies old age.  They listen to new perspectives and engage in open-minded debate, they seek out new hobbies.  In short, they make sure they are staying interesting.

2. Stay Interested In Your Partner – After 30 years, of course you will know your partner well, but don’t lose the sense that they can still surprise and intrigue you.  My mom decided to take up golf at 70 years old.  My father was never that not it, but he made an effort to learn and share her new passion for it.  I really respected that.

3. Keep Your Sex Life Hot – this one is self explanatory, but well supported.  Older couples can still be sexually into each other and those that keep it hot – in both frequency and variety – tend to be happier in other aspects of their relationship as well.

4. Have Hobbies and Friends Outside Your Relationship – You can never be everything to your partner.  Have your own interests and you own friends.  Not only will it make you happier, it will make you more interesting and well rounded to your partner.

5. Try New Things (in the bedroom and elsewhere) – I guess this is linked to staying interesting, but to be this is key.  Never stop evolving, experimenting, succeeding and failing.  Trying to stuff is what keeps us young, vibrant and lovable.  My wife and I were at a sexy resort a few years ago. Most of the couples are 30-50 years old and pretty wild.  Enter a 70 year old couple who had never been to a ned beach, let alone an erotic resort with a 60 person hot tub.  God love ’em. They had the time of their lives.

One of my most important personal goals is to be as happy at 70 as I am at 40. I am convinced that a critical element of this is finding ways to keep my relationship as hot, fun and interesting as it is now. I know it can be hard, but I believe it will be worth it.

The Truth about Female Ejaculation

very informative… well worth a read

Feminine Sexual Health

The Truth about Female Ejaculation

It’s not just for the adult entertainment industry and it’s more real than you probably think!  Female ejaculation refers to a watery fluid that comes from the G-spot, and is secreted by the Skenes/Paraurethral glands through the urethra before and/or during an orgasm.  Fluid that is released is not urine. It’s female ejaculate–it comes from the ducts around the urethra, not the bladder.  Some confuse female ejaculate with urine because it can travel back up into the bladder (retrograde ejaculation).  Sometimes it mixes with urine or shares some of the same properties, but it’s definitely not urine.

Female ejaculate is different from normal vaginal fluid.  While normal fluid can vary in taste, color, consistency and smell, depending on hormonal levels, food intake, the menstrual cycle, etc., female ejaculate is pretty consistent.  It’s sweet smelling and watery, not like the usual fluid one sees when a woman is sexually aroused and…

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The Definitive Answer to The Average Penis Length

Men everywhere have been waiting for millennia for scientifically-backed answer to that all important questions, “Am I bigger than the other guy?”.  Well, the science is finally in.  UK researched published a study in the journal BJU International (and no, that’s not Blow Job University… it’s actually a very respected scientific journal) that compiled data on penis length from over 15,000 subjects.

And the answer…. 5 inches. The average penis length is 5 inches (about 13 centimetres).  This is smaller than previous studies have found because, apparently, previous studies had relied on self reporting. In this studies, the researchers used data compiled from health professionals who had followed standardized measurement procedures.

Versatile Blogger Award

I wanted to give a big thank you to The New York Minute (https://nyinstant.wordpress.com) for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award.

This particular award is really meaningful for me, as I would like to believe I have a broad range of interests and that I have thoughts on many different issues.  I find myself blogging more frequently on sex and sexuality issues, partly because that is something that currently interests me a lot, but also because it seems to be what those who read my blog are most interested in. That said, I am equally drawn to political, social, fitness and family issues.

All this to say… thank you for the nomination.  Blogging started, for me, as a very short term experiment to figure out how social media could help the organization I run.  It has become much more than that for me and I really enjoy the writing and interactions that come from it.