An Amazing Sensual First (part 2)

I posted yesterday on an amazing sexual experience my wife and I had last weekend, with a close female friend ( In a nutshell, after a long flirtatious buildup and desire on all sides, an evening of dinner and then drinks at our place turned into long, sensual makeout session between my wife and our friend (R). As I wrote about yesterday, it was highly sensual, pretty innocent (kissing, sensual groping) between the two of them as I watched (that was a rule R had with her husband).

I promised to continue the story and explain how things could have gone off track.  So… over the course of the evening, there were two points where things could have gone in different directions.  I said I would explain and share my thoughts on each:

1.  What is the rule on clothing?  We knew that R’s ‘permission’ from her husband was to make out with another woman.  As she and my wife where kissing, probably after about 20 minutes, their hands began to wander and explore more.  R reached into my wife blouse, first with one hand and then two; initially she was touching the outline of her breast but then began playing with her nipples.  Similarly, my wife was reaching under R’s sweater.  At one point, R removed my wife’s belt and began to pull up her top and reach down her tights a bit.

So, there was a definite moment where they were about to take one another clothes off. As an observer, it was clear that R wanted go further and I know my wife was getting very turned on and would have liked the same. No one said anything, but both my wife and I knew that this would not be OK with R’s husband – either getting naked or what might happen if they both found themselves naked.  As much as my wife (and I) were enjoying the experience, this is a couple we really love and we would never do anything that would compromise their relationship.  To my wife’s great credit, she put on the breaks.  In a very subtle and respectful way, she made it clear that they should stay clothed. To R’s credit, it didn’t disrupt the mood at all and they continued with their kissing and touching, at the same level of intimacy as before; I think R knew intuitively why my wife was keeping things from progressing.

2. Voyeurism/Exhibitionism – R knew that my wife and I had a bit of a thing for exhibitionism/voyeurism and had been in situations where we have had sex in front of others and had others have sex in our presence.  She had no experience with it, but I knew from past discussions that the idea excited her.  At one point (I can’t remember exactly when), R asked me if she could watch my wife and I have sex.  I was torn.  I thought it would be very sexy and very fun.  R would not be directly involved and it was a fun way for me to get involved without crossing any lines between R and I.  So, perhaps thinking more with my penis than my mind, I was in.  My wife, however, thought differently. It was clear that she felt this would cross a line and (again, very subtly and gracefully) but a stop to the notion.

During both of these moments, my wife told me afterwards, her screen was “if R’s husband knew exactly what was going on, how did she think he would respond”.  She said (and we know him really well), the idea of the two of them making out and groping a bit would be fine even if he wasn’t there for it.  But when it comes to being fully naked or having sex (even if R was not involved directly) he would likely be uncomfortable.

I know my wife was correct.

An Amazing Sensual First

Don’t you love it when your expectations are completely exceeded?

My wife has long fantasized about being with a woman. Not just any woman… but a very particular woman. She wanted to be with someone she liked as a friend, someone attractive and someone who was sincerely attracted to other woman. The first and last criteria – someone she really likes and someone who sincerely likes being with women – are the toughest. The first means it basically has to be one of her friends. The last – despite many woman being along the bisexuality spectrum – in our experience it is rare; there are few women who are both truly bisexual and comfortable enough in this realization to allow themselves to play with another girl. To be honest, she has been with other women, but none that meet these criteria.

But…. We have always thought we knew who that person was. A very good friend of ours – R – who we like very much, has told us many times that she enjoys girl/girl porn and thinks she has a ‘hint’ of bisexuality (she knows my wife is bi). That said, we didn’t really think she would ever act on this desire; she has a history of putting off doing big things she really wants to do).

Recently, however, R told me that, as she is getting older, she has been thinking about some of the adventures she wants to have. She said she has found women sexy for years and wanted to act on this in some way. More specially, she said she would love to kiss a girl to see what she thought, she would like it to be my wife, and she would like it to be in private (ie. no husbands watching).Her situation is somewhat complicated by the fact that she is married, and while she has spoken to her husband about being with a girl and he is supportive, they had not really had a detailed discussion. Another relevant fact, her husband knows (and loves) that there is sexual chemistry in our relationship, but he thinks as it mostly between her and I (as opposed to between the two women).

Fast forward to this weekend. R, my wife and I had plans to go out to dinner at a nice restaurant and then come back to our place for drinks (this is something we do very regularly, so it was not at all weird to be going back to our place). Disclaimer – this is going to sound a little cheesy, but chalk that up to my story telling style – it really was an amazing experience.

At our place, after dinner, the mood was very playful. R was asking us stories about a sexy vacation we had just had. And again, this is pretty normal for us; we all like telling sexy stories and asking intimate and personal questions about the others’ sex lives.

This evening was slightly different because R had just told me about her interest in acting on her bisexual fantasy and she knew I would have shared this with my wife. I think, because of this, R and my wife were cuddled close to one another on the sofa, and there was definitely a physical, flirtatious vibe between them. This was new (and fun) as R and I usually have the more flirtatious relationship). They were snuggled closely together and touching a lot, in a way they usually don’t.

The other thing that was different is that we all knew there was a more physical sexual vibe and (because I am the sexual instigator in our group) they both knew that I was hoping they would act on the desire – I love to see people express and act on their desires (sexual or otherwise).

At one point, R – being as pretty direct person – said ‘you know we’re not going to kiss in front of you – its not a peep show’. I felt in a funny position – (i) I knew they wanted to but it is tough to act on that desire; and (ii) I also knew they meant it when they said ‘we’re not just going to start kissing in front of you’ partly because R wanted to do it for herself, as opposed to putting on a show – which is what she (rightly) perceives a lot of girl to girl sexuality to be. Jokingly, I then closed my eyes and said to go ahead. To appease me, they exchanged a quick peck on the lips – totally innocent and something they had certainly done before – and told me I could look again.

It was all really, very innocent, but it did change the mood. From that point, they were cuddling more closely and stroking one another’s hair.

We continued to chat, but it was clear there was now a more overt sexy vibe. I’m pretty honest in these situations. I said, ‘Look, I know you want to kiss each other. Don’t feel any pressure from me, but I think that if you want to you should’.

And then it started. R reached over to my wife and gave her the deepest, most passionate kiss I had seen in a long time. Despite the buildup, this came as a total surprise to both my wife and I. It was tender, intense and beautiful. Full disclosure – my wife and I have been with other women, but it was always in more or a threesome scenario; we have loved these, but it never really met our fantasy of my wife finding someone that really enjoyed being with women, as opposed to a seque to then both being with a man. The kiss was awesome… because it was just for the two of them.

After the initial kiss, R asked my wife if this was OK. My wife responded with another, equally passionate kiss. R moved on top of my wife, straddling her. The next hour was the most passionate, erotic, beautiful experience of my life (and we’ve been in some pretty erotic scenarios).

It was pretty innocent, certainly not X-rated, and well within the ‘rules’ that R’s husband would be comfortable with. They kissed, they explored each other bodies – through their clothes. Once or twice on of their hands would go a bit further. R reached down my wife’s top and played with her nipples a few times; my wife rubbed R’s pussy through her underwear for a short time. It was a sensual PG+ experience with a level of sensuality I have not experiences in many, many years.

There were a couple of points where things risked going further than they should.. but that is tomorrow’s post.

Never Too Late for New Sexy Adventures

Is there something sexually that you’ve always wanted to try? Something out of your routine that has always seemed a little titilating.

Unfortunately, many people reach a stage in life where they think its too late to try new things.  Not True! It is never too late to try something that has always intrigued you.  As a matter of fact, the older you get, the easier it may be to accommodate these new things into your life or lifestyle.

I close female friend has known for years she was interested in sexual play with women.  She went through period (years) where she felt that because she didn’t act on it when she was young, it is something she would never do. Recently, she had a total 180.  At 45 years old, she decided she could not imagine herself not ever fulfilling that fantasy.  We’ll see what she decides to do, but I thought it was an awesome realization she needed to act on these erotic fantasies rather than feeling she’d missed her chance.

We spoke at length about her decision to finally act on this fantasy.  Some of our thoughts:

– keep it in perspective – society places a lot of stigma around sexual desires that are either kinky or non-monogomish.  Yet we all have these desires.  Keep it in perspective… it’s a little sexual play and if you treat it that way it’s a nice add on to your life, not a change your life.

– communicate your desire – her husband has a vague sense she is interested in women and would very likely be supportive.  But they need a good talk about it.

– take your time, but then act – it is really easy to put off doing the things you want to do (but that seem indulgent).  There is no reason to do this.  Decide and act.

I’m not sure where this decision to act on her fantasy will take her, but I’m really proud of her for deciding to act on this desire.

Our Sexy Vacation

About four years ago, my wife and I radically changed the way we did our couples (i.e. non-family) vacations. While we enjoy traveling with friends and family, we have always enjoyed, once or twice a year, getting away – just the two of us – and experiencing new people and new adventures. We have done this in a number of ways – from hiking or diving adventures to big city long weekends to relaxed all inclusive Caribbean resorts. While we have had some great experiences and seen some amazing places, one thing that has always struck us is that meeting new people and really getting to know them is difficult.

We are fairly, verging on very, social people and, as evidenced by the diverse and close group of friends we have at home, we don’t think we are socially repellant. Yet, when we vacation as a couple, we have found it incredibly hard to make new friends. As an experiment, when we were at a couples-only 5-star resort in Jamaica, we decided to randomly approach 10 people each at the bar – a mix of men and women – and see how many we could engage in a decent discussion that would lead to us get together for dinner or some other social experience, like an off-resort day trip. The common reaction I received when I started conversations was either: a look of bewilderment that clearly indicated they felt I had mistaken them for a friend; very cursory small talk that lasted exactly until their drink was served; or a sense they felt I was hitting on them. Really, I met no one. My wife had a similar experience, apart from one couple who happened to be from the same city as us and which led to a couple of dinners together and a fun evening at the bar with some other couples they were vacationing with.

Then four years ago, we discovered “lifestyle vacations”. These are vacations that swingers go on. Swingers, for those unfamiliar, are couples who have sexual play with other people. They come in many varieties – soft swap, full swap, voyeurs, exhibitionists, and as many other delineations and sub-categories as there are sexual interests. Swingers are of all (adult) ages, all appearances and all backgrounds conceivable. As a generalization, however, they seem to be: middle aged and at least 5-10 years into a relationship; in somewhat to significantly better physical condition than the general population; and, while they have every occupational background conceivable, there seem to be a lot of teachers and doctors – I suspect it is the same nurturing tendency that brought them to their profession that opened them to swinging.

Lifestyle vacations are provided by a small number of resorts or cruises that cater to swingers. We first went to the most celebrated and upscale of these resorts – Desire Cancun – four years ago, on a whim, in search of a more sexy, edgy vacation than we were accustomed to.

The experience blew our mind. Within two hours of arriving, we knew we were at a truly unique place. We noticed, in approximately this order, (i) everyone smiles and acknowledges you as you walk by them; (ii) peoples’ eyes are energetic and completely alive; (iii) if you are standing at the bar, someone will approach you and initiate conversation; (iv) casual touch is much more common than in “normal” society, both between the man and woman in the couple and with others with whom they are speaking. As well, you quickly see that the “normal gender socializing rules” that often drive me crazy – guys talk to guys about guy stuff and girls talk to girls about girl stuff – do not exist here. Everyone talks to everyone about everything – fashion, politics, sexuality, sports, religion (occasionally) – everything.

Obviously, you notice that most people are naked or near naked, but I am focussing on the social element here.

Now, the cynic will say that the only reason these people are so friendly is because they want to get into your pants (or into your lack of pants). This is, categorically, untrue. We have been back to this resort many times since our first visit and I would say that on average, 60% of couples there play/swing with no one; a further 30% play/swing with 1-3 other couples over the course of their trip; and less then 10% are with a large number of other couples. But, almost all of the couples there socialize with almost everyone.

We have met – not played with but had long, interesting conversations over drinks or coffee or just around the pool or hot tub – with at least 15 couples every time we have gone. We have hung out – had dinner or gone on excursions – with at least 5 couples every time we have been there. Over the course of 6 trips there in the past four years, we have met about 8 couples that we stay in touch with and have or will travel to see.

There is a lesson here. When we are young, we meet new people easily. As children and young adults, it is through these new relationships that we learn and grow. It is how we open ourselves to new experiences and personal evolution. It is how we make ourselves more interesting, to ourselves and to the people around us. To allow this self-evolution to end at the point of marriage and family is a form of surrender. It is like saying “I am now all I will ever be as a person. Anything else I achieve will be either career, monetary or realized through my children”.

I had a close friend, at the point of separation from her husband, complain that he had changed; that he was not the same person whom she had married. I felt cold in my response but I told her that it was good he had changed. People need to change. The problem is that they had lost track of one another and had not changed together.

Humans are social creatures – as David Rakoff once said, “creatures of touch”. To the average person, if they have heard of swingers they likely think in terms of sexuality and, depending on your point of view, sexual deviance. This misses what is, to me, the main point. These are the happiest, most interested and interesting, group of people you could ever assemble in one place. They have the strongest, most mature and continually evolving relationships of anyone I know and they are THE FUNNEST people to be around.

As an incidental point, in case my parents read this, my wife and I are not swingers. We do not have sex with others. But we sure love people who do.

Breasts: Real or Purchased – Love ’em All

What do you think of fake breasts?  Please reconsider, upon reading.

As I mentioned in previous posts this week, I am currently on vacation at a sexy resort my wife and I love in the Caribbean.  It is a luxurious beach resort with all the 5 star amenities that is also clothing optional and extremely sex positive.

One feature you cannot help but notice when you are here is the overwhelming number of fake breasts – rough estimate, 60-75% of the women.  Some are modestly augmented and others are pretty huge.

I have mentioned this fact to friends at home and the reaction is interesting.  Almost all of my ‘vanilla’ friends have a very negative reaction to the idea of breast augmentation.  To be honest, had you asked me 5 years ago, I would probably have had the same reaction – why mess with nature, it looks unnatural, its vainglorious, its audacious, it plays into a male-dominated misogynistic culture that objectifies women.

I was wrong.  Totally wrong.

What I have learned from being around these beautiful women year after year is that boobs (and people) are all beautiful, irrespective of what parts are natural and which are enhanced.  Judging people on the naturalness of their breasts is every bit as shallow as judging them on any other physical attribute.

Consider a few facts and considerations:

– We all – all! – pay to improve our appearance. Be it makeup, expensive clothing, hair care products, a personal trainer… we use our purchasing power to make us more physically appealing.

– It seems to be a real confidence booster. As the saying goes, “when you’ve got it, flaunt it” … just because you weren’t lucky enough to be naturally endowed, if you could fix it for a little cash, why not?

– Are fake boobs dangerous?  I am getting out of my depth here, but I’m pretty sure the current solutions used for breast implants are perfectly safe and even most of the science around the harm associated with older implants has been debunked.

Me (if I was a women)… I would probably not get a boob job.  But as I sit here amongst dozens of beautiful, wonderful women who have and feel great about it, I really wonder… who am I to judge?

The 1 Marriage Mistake You Might Be Making

Great advice from one of my favourite bloggers


Even if you’re happily married, you still may be making one major mistake that could cost you your marriage in the long run!

It’s probably something you don’t even realize you’re doing or perhaps you do, either way, learn why you may be doing this critical mistake & find out how to stop it!

Here’s The 1 Marriage Mistake You Might Be Making.

Learning My Lessons,


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8 Resources to Get Better Sex-educated

Excellent resources


No matter how you feel about sex you cannot deny it’s significance. None of us would be here without it. Whether you are a sex-positive individual with a roaring libido and tons of experience, if you’re curious but ignorant, or somebody just starting out on a sexual journey of discovery, everyone benefits from understanding sex better. It’s inescapable – even if you are not sexually active, or perhaps a-sexual, sex affects every aspect of the human experience. My sincere hope is that all the sex going down in and around people’s’ lives is safe, healthy, pleasurable, and most importantly consensual! The better educated we all are on the subject, the more we make that dream the reality.

I compiled this list of resources because each has taught (and entertained) me during my own journey to becoming the sex-positive, knowledgeable, unashamed-ly erotic woman writing this blog for you now. Each one is fascinating and…

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