Very good Psychology Today article on swinging

Check out the attached article form Psychology Today.  It reports on one of the very rare studies on swingers that approaches the issue from an objective, analytical basis.  A few of the findings I found interesting:

– first and foremost, swingers are pretty much like anyone else, replacing the myth that swingers are sex crazed deviants who self destruct their own relationships

– they tend to be more open and communicate better (this is no surprise as open communications is likely necessary to open the doors to that lifestyle)

– they have pretty high rates of bisexuality – about 20 percent of men report being bisexual and a significant majority of women are either bi-sexual or bi-curious

– the great majority were in enduring relationships (10 years plus)

– in terms of politics, they are highly heterogeneous, form sisal conservatives to liberals

– a vast majority entered seining not to fix their relationship but to add variety, enjoyment and personal fantasy

– men and women reported almost identical levels of satisfaction with swinging

It is a well written article and these snip its do not do it justice.  Check it out at

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-swinging-paradigm/201310/are-swingers-freaky-and-deviant

When did “environmentalist” become a dirty word?

I take great pride in the fact thImageat I dedicate a significant part of my time trying to make sure the Earth is preserved for future generations.  I consider it amongst the most noble professional pursuits to make sure we have clean air, clean water, a livable climate and biodiversity left on this Planet, so that my children and perhaps my grandchildren will be able to enjoy the same quality of life as I have.

But… if I call myself an “environmentalist” people will assume I am a leftie radical that wants to shut down the economy and return to a hunter gather lifestyle.  This is ridiculous.  Most of my friends and colleagues are very environmentally aware and responsible but they also want a viable economy. 

Environmentalism and economic prosperity are reconcilable.  Environmentalists know this.  We should not fear them just because some polarizing politicians tell us to.

Who Wants To See a Tori Spelling Sex Tape

In Tori Spelling’s new book, she apparently reveals that a sex tape that she and her husband made was stolen by a ‘friend’, but has not yet been released.  There are many reasons it may not have come out — good lawyers on Tori’s side or lack of buyers on the friends side – but it has made me wonder whether I would want to see it is it did leak out.

On an ethical level, I don’t certainly don’t believe we should watch people having sex if they don’t want to be watched.  That said, if she is highlighting the fact that she has an unreleased sex tape in a book she is having published, she seems to have decide that the prospect of selling books is more important to her than the tape getting out.  She has to understand that she has increased exponentially the risk of it being released by publicizing its existence.  

So, I think I could deal with the ethical issues.  

But, would I really want to see it? Yes, and in a way that is stronger than just the normal interest we all have in seeing someone naked.  I would like to think I am above that petty sort of star worship, but I am not.  I would watch the tape.  And if I were a betting man, I would guess that within a month I will get to – there dis no way that is staying secret now. 

A controversial subject; Sex.

An excellent post on sexual openness

alexbacon

My mum is 39 years of age, quite young for a mother of an 18 year old. A few months ago we took a trip to boots and she was horrified to see in the condom section there was a dildo. Still she is shocked by the fact that these “marital aids” are so openly available in shops that she looks at with a particular reputation.

As the youth of today, these kinds of objects are completely normal for me to see on sale. With shops like Victoria Secrets not being much of a secret, and an Ann summers on every other high street, these things are normal to me. I am used to having access to anything I want whenever I want it.

But my mother’s reaction has left me wondering, she is only two decades ahead of me and these things disgust her. Has the world gone sex…

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What Should Politicians Be Learning from the Canadian Senate Scandal

Nothing is more valued in politics than loyalty and nothing so threatening as loyalty betrayed.

Having been thrown under the bus by Prime Minister Harper, both Mike Duffy and Patrick Brazeau have come out fighting and are providing Harpers foes with a dream scandal – both important and enduring (it has legs as the politicos like to say).

For those not familiar, Mike Duffy and Patrick Brazeau were appointed to the Senate by Harper as patronage for past loyalty to the Party.  Duffy was a high profile journalist and Brazeau delivered urban Aboriginal voters to Harper in each of the last two elections.  Both have gotten into hot water over claiming expenses that are not considered legitimate – not huge amounts of money but enough to matter.

In response, Harper came out aggressively, denying any personal involvement and trying to kick them out of the Senate.  Well, it turned out he did have personal involvement (at least in the Royal sense).  Harper’s chief of staff leant Duffy money to replay expenses and Brazeau is now claiming her was offered a ‘back room deal’ to keep quiet.  To make matters worse, it is also unclear that, legally, Harper can kick them out of the Senate and some fellow Senators are now resisting Harper’s request for fear of lack of due process.

Harper is in a mess.  He has given the opposition a salacious scandal that just keeps on given.

So what should Harper learn?  First, and most obviously, if you declare war on a fellow politician, make sure you are able to kill him.  Duffy and Brazeau are most dangerous because the are deeply injured and have nothing more to lose.  Their reputations have been so damaged, there is no downside in exposing everything.  And everyone knows, in politics, by necessity, there is lost of backscratching, favours exchanged and patronage. Insiders know it is the only way business gets done, but to outsiders it all looks pretty dirty.

Lesson number two is also quite obvious.  The coverup is always worse than the original offence, and in an age of social media, coverups always get out.  A conservative Senator overcharging expenses (which were in a grey zone to start with) is not that big a deal.  Lying about lending him money to repay it – that is trouble.

Lesson number three is the tough one.  Politicians place loyalty above all else, including merit.  This is not completely unreasonable as you need people around you that you can count on and who will go the extra mile for you.  A lot of politics is subjective and having someone who will stick with you really does have value, and the system kind of relies on it.  But loyalty in politics has reached a level of perversity.  Over and over, politicians most trusted allies and advisors turn and go from most trusted friend to bitterest enemy in a matter of days.  What we are learning is that loyalty, unbacked by true shared beliefs or expertise is fleeting.  Friends become enemies too easily and past relations trump logic and interests too often.

If Duffy and Brazeau are good Conservatives and want to deliver votes because they believe in the cause, that is great.  Plush rewards, easily revoked are both unnecessary and, as Harper is learning, very costly.